


A silly, normal life

by s_a_b_i_n_e



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Canon-Typical Family Dynamics, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Mentioning of abusive fathers, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Past Injuries, Past Relationship(s), Religious Castiel (Supernatural), Skippable Smut, Teacher Dean Winchester, Veterinarian Castiel (Supernatural), slow burn (kind of)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:02:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 22,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29650347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_a_b_i_n_e/pseuds/s_a_b_i_n_e
Summary: Veterinarian Castiel lives a peaceful life with his housemate Meg and his beloved animals. All he wants is for it to stay that way. But then, elementary school teacher Dean steps into his life. He is fun-loving, outgoing, and way less religious than the man he falls head over heels in love with. Can they make it work through misunderstandings and personal challenges?[Daily updates]
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Minor Benny/Dean
Comments: 160
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to this story. It was inspired by a tweet from Eloudia showing her love for Vet Castiel fics. It made my wires run hot and here we are. I hope you enjoy this story. 💙
> 
> Thank you to ByelingualBH who is my beta angel on this journey. 💚

Castiel hits the off switch of his alarm clock and takes a deep breath. He already feels a headache looming in his shoulder muscles. It's one of those days. But there is no use in complaining. Today, he has stable duty and Meg can sleep in. Well, not really, but longer at least.

Normally, it doesn't bother him. But last night, he got his teeth into this new series about two guys buying a horse ranch in Australia and it was just too good to stop after the pilot.

Usually, he's not one for a show that isn't much beyond a high-quality soap opera. But the mixture of good-looking men, lean horses, and beautiful nature sucked him in. He had binge-watched seven episodes. At least that's what the pop-up tells him when he clicks away the 'Are you still there?' page.

Castiel shuffles to the washbasin installed in his bedroom for a quick catlick. There is no use in taking a shower before feeding the horses and mucking the stables out.

He slips into his well-worn jeans and throws his plaid jacket on top of a teeshirt that has seen better days. It will be enough for the spring morning that awaits him outside, at least with the work he is going to do.

"Good morning, Wyatt," he greets his mustang gelding who trots over to him, already enjoying the grass on their little field at the side of the open stable. "Where did you leave your friend?" he asks, leaning his face against the horse's, breathing in his scent and the tranquillity surrounding them. 

As if on cue, Earp steps out of the stable, her curious eyes watching him from afar. Castiel disconnects the current of the electrified fencing and climbs through the cords, pats the mare and goes about his morning routine.

After the horses, he checks on the guinea pigs in the smaller stable around the corner. Especially Lucifer, a white fluffy one with red eyes that is struggling with pinkeye. The poor thing needs to be isolated so as to not infect the others. And loneliness notwithstanding, the little devil hates Castiel by now and tries to hide from him and the eyedrops he brings along.

The chase doesn't take long with Castiel's experience of catching animals in his own veterinary practice and he soon finishes his morning round. Ending it - as usual - by feeding the stray cats that wait for him, every morning, by the front door, accepting his quick check-up before getting their food.

When he enters the little farmhouse again, the scent of freshly brewed coffee greets him and he stills on the threshold. He knows well that he will have a handful of overexcited Bernese cattle dog in his arms in a matter of seconds.

He still nearly topples over when Mim tackles him in joyful anticipation of a thorough petting. Her brother, Merlin, watches them from a few steps away, patiently awaiting his turn.

"Morning!" Cass shouts and grins when Meg appears in the kitchen door with nothing but a satin gown loosely wrapped around her curves. Looking like that, no one would believe that she is the lifestock vet around these parts, well versed in sinking her arm in whatever animal might need it.

Castiel sure wouldn't want to swap trades with her. He prefers small animals - cats, dogs, rabbits, guinea-pigs. All the cute stuff, not the cattle, sheep, and thoroughbred horses.

"Did you sleep well?" he asks with a soft grin playing on his lips. Over the years he's gotten used to her fluctuating, fleeting lovers. Statistically speaking, she has probably been with every bachelor in their little town. At least, Castiel hopes she really only took bachelors home.

She extended her hunting grounds to the next 'big' city, a few weeks ago, though. Castiel doesn't really mind as long as she sends her one-night stands off while he's at the stables and warns him to use headphones before bringing them home. Even so, he has run into _way_ too many over the years. He doesn't begrudge her the pretty men that fall into her bed, but he doesn't need a visual reminder of what he can't have.

Castiel hasn't seen a naked butt (off-screen, that is) for quiet some time now. His life is full of work, being the only veterinary specialist for small animals in the area. His last relationship fell apart quite spectacularly many years ago. Not that he would even _contemplate_ a hookup. He hasn't the thick skin that Meg sports. Couldn't let rumours and gossip roll off his shoulders like she manages to do almost every day.

Compared to his fellow lodger, he is a loner, only trusting a lucky few. Meg, of course, but also his brother Gabriel, and - funnily enough - his ex-fiancée Kelly.

He prefers being the nice, but reclusive guy. It's not as if a whole lot of suitors would beat a path to his door anyway. But even if that were the case, it wouldn't change anything, because most of the time, he doesn't even get it when somebody hits on him. His weirdness is a turn off for many people who might be interested in him purely from aesthetics anyway.

Objectively, he knows that he is a good-looking guy - sun-kissed skin, bright blue eyes, and a physique hardened by manual labour. And yeah, his hair always looks like he just got out of the bed. And sure, when he goes to work in clean jeans and a button-up under his white doctor's coat, his tie is always a little crooked. But most people would describe him as cute, if a little goofy.

Though, even if he were interested in someone, the man in question for sure would turn on his heels at the umpteenth time Castiel doesn't get the most basic pop-culture references or shows his lack of interest in the local church branch. 

His smile made more than one client melt in front of him, though. Just a shame that they were all women. (Or not. A man in his life would only make everything more complicated.)

So, Castiel is happy like this. He loves his job, long rides on Wyatt, and platonic cuddling sessions with Meg on their couch in their living room. He's come a long way. He's not going to rock the boat by trying to have more.

It's already more than he deserves.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back. I'm so happy you liked vet Castiel yesterday. Today, let's see what teacher Dean's life has to offer. 😊
> 
> In this chapter I use the Creole word sha, a term of affection meaning darling, dear, or sweetheart.

The looming alarm on Dean's phone pops up and he swipes it off, finishing the last paragraph of the story he's been reading since he woke up about an hour ago.

He went to bed early last night after dinner with Lisa and Ben. It's their Thursday night tradition, established when both realised that they loved each other, but more as friends than partners. Dean had been in Ben's life for so long then and neither of them could bear to break the relationship, even though they hadn't managed to mend their own.

Ever since then, Dean always cooks for them while Ben tells him about school and friends and the latest football game (if Dean couldn’t make it the previous weekend). That gives Lisa time to relax at least once a week. They're still family and Dean is glad that they made it work.

He gets out of his bed and straight to the kitchen where his coffee machine is already brewing the liquid gold that powers him through the day. The device was a gift for his last birthday, all digital and Bluetooth compatible like his little brother loves it.

Dean prefers doing things old-school, but the pre-programming feature had grown on him over the last weeks. Mostly because he'd figured out how to connect the machine to his phone. He would never admit this near to Sam though.

He strolls to the front door still in his pyjamas and takes the newspaper out of the letter box. He settles on the couch with his coffee and scans the pages for topics that might pop up in school. Some of his pupils hear news fast and he learnt the consequences of being under-prepared the hard way.

Today is a slow news day though, nothing that should rile up his fourth-graders. He puts the paper away and drinks his coffee before heading off to take a shower. He notices that he's running low on his usual lotion and makes a mental note to pick up a new bottle from the pharmacy after finishing work.

He still has time left before he needs to leave, so he checks his phone for Charlie's pending response to his get-well wishes. She has sent him a selfie, red-nosed and wrapped up in a monstrous quilt with her girlfriend Stevie in the background pouting at her sympathetically.

He chuckles and exchanges a few messages with her. She reminds him of the booked veterinary visit for the class hamster that he has to do while she's bedridden.

Then he opens another thread, asking Benny if he's free tonight. Originally he had planned to go out with Charlie and Stevie, maybe chase some tail, but asking his friend with benefits over seems like the better alternative to going out on his own or spending the evening alone.

"Sure, sha" comes back within minutes and Dean adds condoms, frozen pizza, and tiramisu to his mental shopping list.

Today, he drives instead of walking the short way to school as the veterinary practice is on the other side of the town. His Baby purrs to life and when he arrives at his destination, his favourite parking spot for his beloved Impala is still open.

The first kids are already arriving and Dean smiles at the buzzing children, some being a bit jazzed already. As is the norm on a Friday morning.

He rearranges his classroom for their morning circle and does some boring paperwork while the early pupils enter and stow away their stuff.

Adam is the first, a single mum's kid, always polite and well-mannered but also shy and lonely. Then Claire arrives, strong-minded but good-hearted, already a force of nature. And Lucas, a spirited boy who almost drowned in a mishap last summer.

Dean smiles to himself while the chairs fill up more and more. Who would have thought all those years ago that he could have this? A patched-up family, his little brother Sam and his wife Eileen, his surrogate father Bobby, Lisa and Ben, Ellen, Jody and her daughter Alex, and Charlie and Stevie of course.

His job is a dream; far, far away from the toxic influence of his old man and the memories of a lost childhood. He's on his way to becoming vice principle. With his cocky smile, green eyes, and a body in its prime, even in his early 40s, he always has enough options to bed any woman or man who tickles his fancy. All in all, he would call himself the luckiest man alive.

Yes, sometimes he wonders what life could be beyond that. Maybe a partner, a few kids of his own, a pet (but not a dog, he doesn't trust those since he was bitten in his twenties), a house with a garden and a swing, a wedding band on his finger ...

But he doesn't want to complain. He's come so far. The little Kansas boy, raised in the very Impala he still rides today, a surrogate father to his baby brother, grown-up way too early. He had paid for his GED through questionable means, then received a full ride afterwards, and graduated with the highest honours.

He'd like to think that his late mum would be proud of his achievements and his place in the community, hard-won through diligance and dedication.

The morning passes in a whirl of stories and dictations, math equations, and bricolages around the spring fair. When his classroom is clear of the day's events, he picks up Nugget the hamster and puts him into the transport box. He leaves the school building in a good mood. He has a free weekend to looks forward to, a couple of orgasms booked for the night, and the first blossoms of spring lift his mood just as the slowly warming sun on his skin.

No, Dean wouldn't ask for more. He's as happy as he can be.


	3. Chapter 3

The first thing that Castiel sees when he steps into the treatment room is a man crouching on the floor, with a perfect jean-clad butt and a plaid shirt over a broad back. The first thing that he hears is a deep, warm voice trying to coax a little animal out from under the cabinet.

"Come on, Nugget. I promise you a treat if you come out."

Castiel stifles a chuckle and tries to put on a professional face before he peeks at the opened patient file on the computer screen. "Mr Winchester, you're here for your hamster?" he asks. This startles the new client and he bumps his head against the furniture. Hard.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Castiel apologises and helps him up from the floor.

Dean rubs his head and makes the mistake of looking at the man in the white coat. He has always had that medical kink, but this man just takes his breath away. He looks flustered at the doc. Great way to introduce yourself: arse up, on the floor, and generally making a fool of yourself. _Fan-tastic._

"No worries," he chuckles embarrassed. "Shouldn't have taken him out. Always warn against letting him out 'cause he's so fast and now I've done it myself. Rookie mistake."

"You're not the first to be evaded by a sneaky pet here. We get him out in no time," Castiel reassures and kneels down on the floor, his secret treat already in hand. It takes him only half a minute and Nugget is sitting safely within his cupped palms.

"Wow. Are you the hamster whisperer?" Dean jokes.

The doctor frowns at him.

"I studied for many years to learn everything about small animals, Mr Winchester. Whispering wasn't part of the lectures," Castiel replies matter-of-factly and now it's Dean's turn to knit his brow together.

"I was referring to the movie," he says and when understanding doesn't seem to reach the hamster-holding man he adds, "The Horse Whisperer with Robert Redford?"

"Never heard of it," Castiel says and Dean falls silent. Strangeness aside, the doc is kinda cute and that gravelly voice is giving him bad ideas.

"So, Nugget, tell me: Why are you here today?" the doctor asks, looking deep into the patient's beady little eyes, much to Dean's amusement.

"He's here for a check-up. Usually, my colleague Charlie brings him in." Castiel looks up at that and the teacher needs a moment to recover from that piercing blue gaze. "Nerdy little redhead. Loves to call people bitches?"

Clarity dawns on the vet's face and his lips quirk into a soft smile. "Ah, Ms Bradbury, right?" he says and his focus returns to the little hamster in his hand. "Let's see how you're doing, shall we?"

Castiel doesn't spare Dean another glance, already absorbed in his work. It gives Dean the chance to ogle at the other man without being accused of creepiness. 

He likes what he sees: the sharp, scruffy jawline, major sex hair begging him to run his hand through it, long fingers the only visible skin under his white coat. The doctor's biceps flex visibly under the white fabric and he has to reign in the desire to keep staring. 

Apparently, his last hookup has been a little bit too long ago if the sight of a man wrapped in at least three layers is making him so ... not horny, more longing. It doesn't matter. The doctor didn't even check him out. He's probably straight. A pity, really. At least Benny's coming around later. His eyes are almost as pretty as the vet's. 

"So, everything looks good, Nugget. Let's put you back into your box, shall we?"

Castiel's voice rips Dean out of his reverie. He watches the vet setting down the little rodent carefully and giving him a pet, before closing the carrier.

"Give Ms Bradbury my best, Mr Winchester," he says.

"You can call me Dean," the teacher replies and offers his hand with his most winsome smile.

Castiel looks from the hand to his face and - Dean swears on everything that is holy - the vet blushes delightfully pink. He takes Dean's hand and shakes it, hesitant at first. Then it morphs into a tighter grip, like John Winchester insisted was essential for a man. 

But the vet's expression doesn't match his manner. It's mostly neutral at the beginning, but a small smile tugs on his lips soon and the longer they shake, the more it grows until it reaches his eyes. Dean gets lost in a sea of blue. _Damn!_ The wrinkles around his eyes and the dimples bracketing his lips are beautiful. His gummy smile wraps warmly around Dean's heart.

"Dean," Castiel says, voice so low that it turns Dean's legs to jelly.

"And ...," he clears his throat, "you are?"

The vet blinks twice as if he has forgotten his own name. "Dr Novak. Castiel," he says finally.

"Castiel. I like it," Dean chuckles, still not letting go, even though they stopped shaking a few seconds ago.

It's ridiculous how long they just stand there, looking into each other's eyes. But neither of them care.

Until Castiel's assistant steps into the room. The vet lets go first and pulls back as if he touched a hot plate. Dean is confused for a moment, watching him fidget with the clipboard she hands him. She looks vaguely familiar.

"Thank you, Anna," the vet says and exits the room, leaving Dean alone with his assistant. Anna gives Dean a flirtatious smile. Usually, he would answer in kind, but his tongue is stuck to the roof of his mouth.

He shakes his head clear and nods in lieu of a farewell and departs as quickly as he can, without rousing suspicion.

"Dean," he hears Anna calling. "You forgot your hamster!"


	4. Chapter 4

"Are you okay, Clarence?" Meg asks, when she walks into the breakroom and finds Castiel splashing water into his face.

"Yes," he lies, knowing well that she looks right through him.

"I brought Thai food," she says, "and the fried bananas with honey that you like so much."

Her smile is predatory and Castiel sighs. She wouldn't let go of him until he spilled. But what’s there to spill? He's still wrapping his head around the whole situation while simultaneously trying to erase the memory of beautiful green eyes and the sweetest smile he has ever seen.

He knows that his cheeks are still burning crimson and the cool water somehow made it worse. So he dries his face and throws the towel into the laundry basket. He sinks onto the sofa, grabs a fork and a container, uncaring of which devilishly spicy dish she’d chosen to torture him with this time. The sweetness of the dessert would hopefully alleviate his suffering.

"Anna said that you were acting strange," Meg states.

"I don't know what she's talking about. I think I'm acting absolutely normal," he replies and takes a forkful of noodles into his mouth. He ends up instantly going for the coke, standing ready on the little coffee table in front of him.

"Oh, Clarence. You always think so, but you never are," Meg chuckles and earns herself an unamused look. "I think Anna meant that you were acting stranger than usual. She was worried that one of the clients might have said or done something ..."

"No," Castiel objects, a little _too_ forceful.

Meg's eyes tighten while she scrutinises him, a hint of concern sneaking onto her face.

"I haven't seen you like this since I caught you masturbating to ‘Men's health’ all those years ago," she says. Her eyes widen. "Did you fuck a client in the treatment room?" Her tone isn't criticising, she sounds actually elated.

Castiel jumps off the sofa, his box of food landing precariously on the coffee table. "I would _never_ do such a thing!" he exclaims, the mere thought scandalising him.

Meg slumps into her seat. "Right. Because the angelic Castiel isn’t allowed to experience mundane desires," she scoffs.

"Not in the workplace, no."

"Not anywhere," she retorts. "What use is accepting your sexuality if you won’t even do so much as kiss a guy? If you wanted to have no sex for the rest of your life, you should've married Kelly after all."

"This is neither the time nor place for this conversation," Castiel says. He grabs his meal and strides over to the exit.

"And when and where would it be appropriate, my _good_ man?"

"In hell, when it freezes over," he mumbles under his breath and slams the door behind himself. The receptionist stares at him, mouth agape, unaccustomed to him being anything but calm and unobtrusive.

"Sorry," he shoots her way and holds his breath until the door to his office shuts with a soft _click_.

What had gotten into him!?

He puts his lunch on his large wooden desk and opens the window, hoping that the cool air would clear his head.

He knows attraction. It's not the first time he has experienced it. But this time? The intensity was thousandfold, like pure current running through his veins. How was that even possible, given that he barely knew the man?

Maybe it's just his self-imposed celibacy finally taking its toll. Maybe he's coming down with something. Maybe even the pining of the cowboys in the stupid show was riling him up. It doesn't matter. He will get past it. Next time, Ms Bradbury would bring the school pets again and he will never ask himself what might have been.

It's a solid plan. 

He needs to buy the latest _Men's health_ , though.

***

"Hey, chief," Benny says and kisses Dean’s cheek. "How yer doin'?"

Dean smiles and pulls him into a hug. "Hey, old guy," he teases even though there are only two years separating them. "Fine. Just a busy few weeks. And you?"

"All right," Benny answers and his dark voice and soft accent wash over Dean as usual, soothing the edges and taking the stress of daily hassles away in a wave of affection.

Benny was his first hookup after he moved to town, all those years ago, finally at peace with his sexuality. It was a happy coincidence that they ended up with each other and hit it off right away.

Benny is funny, trustworthy, and wise. After his partner's death, he had decided he never wanted another relationship. Dean is safe from the messiness that comes with that particular package. They can talk and they can fuck, nary a hang-up in sight. Because they are friends, above all else. They stayed friends during Dean's time with Lisa. And afterwards, they seamlessly settled back into their former arrangement. It's easy. It's familiar.

"I put the pizza in the oven. Wanna pick a movie?" Dean asks, halfway to the kitchen.

"Rom-com or action?" Benny shouts over.

"Whatever you want," he replies. In _that_ department, they may seem like a stereotypical couple, with all the bells and whistles.

He puts the frozen pizza into the oven and takes the tiramisu out of the fridge, and then walks back to sink onto the couch at Benny's side, whose strong arms pull him in until they lay cuddled up on the sofa.

He runs his hand through Dean's short hair and the younger man relaxes under his touch. That's why Dean likes Benny. This is not just about a quick fuck, it's about intimacy and trust without the complications of romance attached to it.

Benny starts the movie. They only untangle when the timer pings to inform them that the pizza is ready. They eat it leaning against each other, uncaring of the cramped space.

Two hours later, the movie is over and the tiramisu has been polished off.

Dean turns around in Benny's arms, breathing in his earthy scent, and drinking in the brightness of his eyes. "Missed you," he says.

"What, no hot chicks?" Benny teases.

Dean chuckles. "Yeah, nice. But ... I don’t know. It's not as fun as it used to be. Maybe I'm too old for the walk of shame."

Benny laughs, full belly and rumbling. "As if you were _ever_ ashamed of stealthily slipping out before dawn."

Dean chuckles again. Benny knows him too well. "Right." He knits his brow together. "Maybe I just want more. Casual sex is all fine and well, but ..." 

He trails off. He knows he can talk to Benny. They did it before, when he and Lisa had gotten together and Dean had been worried about being with someone with a kid. Benny had always been a shoulder to lean on, and all he wanted was for Dean to be happy.

"Anyone on your mind?" Benny asks. _Damn it!_ How does he always look right through him?

"When you met Bruno ... how was it?" Dean asks instead. They don’t often talk about Benny's late partner, but it isn't exactly off-limits.

A smile washes over his friend's face, lighting it up in the most beautiful ways. "I saw him behind the counter, he was hella good lookin'. But then he looked at me and smiled, an' I swear I fell in love right then and there."

Dean smiles. Maybe he gets that, maybe not. But it doesn't matter, because Benny is right here right now. Warm and soft, strong and willing. There is no use in dreaming about some stranger's blue eyes when he has some to look into already.

He kisses Benny, soft at first, then as he wanted to since the message he'd sent that morning. It's easy and satisfying and safe, just like everything else that happens that night.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean wakes up to sunbeams tickling his face. They forgot to close the curtains last night, too fucked out to care.

His body feels relaxed and warm and for a long moment, he looks at the man still sleeping next to him. He wonders what it might be like to wake up to someone like this every morning. Someone to snuggle up to, to whisper sweet nothings against their skin. Someone to call 'love' or 'sweetheart'. He’s so far regressed into friendship now, with Lisa, that he can barely remember how it used to be.

Benny is snorting next to him like a bear in hibernation. Dean always envied that about him. Most nights his own sleep is rather shallow– unless nightmares plague him. Then he sleeps like a log, albeit with no way to escape real memories or distorted perceptions of monsters coming after him and Sam, of glowing eyes and biting flames.

Dean sits up and stretches his limbs, a few creaks reminding him of his age. He shuffles into the bathroom, naked as God created him. Benny is one of the select few with whom Dean feels comfortable enough to don his birthday suit and render himself vulnerable and raw. Benny has earned his trust over the years, never asking for more and accepting whatever he could give.

Benny had been his champion, showed him that he was beautiful. Not even Lisa had managed that. Because it's not that Dean doesn't know that he’s easy on the eyes. But this thing with Benny went deeper.

He knows where it comes from, even talked about it in therapy— all those years ago. Still, there are days when he can't look into the mirror without the armour of clothing. But when he’s with Benny, all those things just fall away. He trusts the soft, adoring eyes and the careful, fond touches.

He knows he’s helping Benny heal, too, in some ways. Their friendship is not a one-way street, and that makes it all the more beautiful.

When he returns to the bedroom, Benny looks at him through slotted eyes. "It's too early, man," he complains.

Dean chuckles, "How did it ever happen that a morning grouch trained as a baker?"

Benny shrugs, "I like cake."

"That you do," Dean laughs and pets Benny's round belly. "Maybe a little too much."

"’s not as if I need to stay skinny for anyone," the older man grumbles.

"Hey, what about me?" Dean mocks indignation.

Benny sits up and grins wide. "You'd still fuck me, shæ, and you know it." 

Dean shrugs and grins, clearly not denying it. He likes the softness to lay his head on/snuggle into. Sue him.

"Any plans for the weekend?" Dean asks.

"Nah. I’ll be working seven days next week, what with the stupid spring fair an' all. You?"

"Thought I’d drop off the hamster at Charlie's and maybe go to the afternoon sneak preview. Wanna keep me company?"

Benny sinks back into the cushion. "Why not? And a beer at Ellen's later?

"Haven't seen her and Bobby in ages. Sounds like a plan."

***

Castiel grinds the beans in the electric coffee mill and transfers the fine powder into a glass mug. The old-fashioned water kettle starts whistling on the range cooker and he lets it shriek a little louder before he relieves it of the heat. He pours the hot liquid over the ground beans as he learnt to do from his Polish grandmother, back when he spent a semester studying abroad in Szczecin.

Meg hates it that way. She condescendingly calls it 'mud coffee', but she isn't here this morning to complain about his preferred method of fueling up on caffeine, still warming _Tony’s_ bed. 

Sometimes, he wonders how they managed to become friends. They are as different as day and night. But maybe that's exactly why they work so good together, complimenting each other with their stark contrast. He has his dance space, she has her’s. Though he does hate her for making him watch 'Dirty Dancing' a million times.

Castiel leans against the kitchen unit and watches the coffee brew on the worktop. The previous day still lingers in his bones, like an itch that he can’t scratch. He can't forget those eyes where green and hazel warred for dominance. They reminded him of grass dewy from a spring shower.

It's pathetic, really, how his mind clings on to that memory more than the one of the perfect butt in equally perfectly fitted jeans. Maybe it’s just leftover from his pious upbringing or maybe he's simply too demure or maybe — and this one isn’t his fault — his brain is rotten from all the rom-coms Meg forced on him. He doesn’t remember a single plotline, but maybe he unconsciously internalized their unrealistic lessons and started to hope for love at first sight or a knight in a shining armour to sweep him off his feet.

It won’t come to pass, of course. He won't let it. It's wrong and it could fall back on Kelly, could destroy the dregs of respect his family still let him cling to since he’d drunkenly come out, claiming his engagement was a farce. 

That fateful day, his father had locked him away to sleep it off and only allowed him back to the breakfast table after he swore to never mention it again. He never did.

Outside his family, only Kelly and Meg knew. The first because she’d deserved the truth and the second because she’d gotten him sloshed. He hasn't touched a drop of alcohol since, in the intervening six years.

Castiel takes his coffee and returns to his room. The pouting model on the title of 'Men's health' seems to mock him as his face briefly morphs into Dean's. _Great._ Now, he can't even masturbate in peace. His life is slowly becoming a total disaster.

He empties his mug too fast and burns his mouth. Angrily, he stomps into the living room and queues up the cowboy show. If his life goes to shit anyway, why not get mercilessly queer-baited along the ride. He probably deserves it.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean rearranges the cookie donations in his stall. The spring fair isn't really his cup of tea, but at least here in the booth none of the dogs would get to him

Dean smiles at the bunnies made of papier-mâché that his students had made. They are colourful and brought home the bacon. He needs to tell Charlie to make them with her class next year.

The sounds of the fair echo through the air. It’s nearing max capacity today, given that it's warm and sunny, the perfect weather for a fair.

Dean sees both new and familiar faces, dallies in interaction once or twice, and banters with friends and family who only stop by because he's the one supervising sales this year.

His belly rumbles and he can't wait for Billie to cover for him so that he can pick up the delicious Cajun food Benny’s selling on the other side of Town Square.

"Mummy, look at those cute bunnies!" a blond boy with bright blue eyes squeaks, dragging his mother to Dean's booth. The woman is laughing in response and it’s so open and inviting that Dean automatically smiles at the pair. Even his resounding hunger and consequently grumpy self can't ruin the effect of a happy mother with her happy kid.

The boy is maybe five– just a year older than Dean was when his mother died in a house fire that left Dean half-orphaned and traumatised.

"Slow down, Jackie. You'll pull your mother's arm off!" a gravelly voice chuckles and even before Dean can turn to the speaker, he recognises the family resemblance on the little boy's face. _Just his damn luck!_

The next second, Castiel comes into view and freezes in place when he sees him. The vet's face does something complicated. Dean can’t discern all the emotions showing in his derailing features, but one he can definitely glean is shame.

Castiel schools his face after a moment however, settling on morosity. It's not a good look on him, especially after the memory of the beautiful smile that Dean hadn't managed to shake off all week.

"Mr Winchester," he says flatly and nods as if Dean was a headmaster of the past when their work was well-respected and better paid.

"I thought we settled on Dean, _Dr Novak_ ," the teacher tries to ease the palpable tension with some light teasing. He won't out him in front of his wife and son, obviously. He just hopes that the other man is bi, at least.Otherwise this could get ugly, more so with a child caught in the crossfire.

"You two know each other?" the woman asks curiously and Dean tries to smile nonchalantly He isn't sure if it comes off that way.

"Dean's a client," Castiel says evenly and the woman side-eyes him.

Trying to ignore her, Dean turns to the little boy. "You like the bunnies? My students made them."

"You're a teacher?" the boy asks, eyes wide in awe.

"Yep," Dean grins, this time definitely meaning it. 

"My name’s Jack! And I start school this year!"

Dean's heart jumps into his mouth. _Oh no._

"He's _very_ excited," his mother laughs. "Every morning he crosses out a day on his calendar."

"Are you folks local?" Dean presses out, smiling painfully.

"Born and reared. We lived in Austin for a while but came back when he was on the way. It's a better place to raise a child," she replies and Castiel nods in agreement.

"So, Jack, you're joining our school, then?" Dean asks, almost desperately hoping that they might send him to the independent school in the next town.

"Yes!" the boy says. _But of course he will._

"Then we'll be seeing each other, soon. I'll have the first-graders this fall," Dean says, trying hard to ignore the sudden paleness in Castiel's cheeks and the redness in his own.

"Oh wow, that's fantastic!" the woman exclaims. "Hi, I’m Kelly. Pleasure to meet you." She nudges Castiel. "Isn't that great? Jack will have a _male_ teacher." Castiel mumbles something that might be a 'yes'.

Dean prays that he’ll be too swamped at work to attend the parent-teacher conferences. He can hardly ignore the man, otherwise. It is his job to make nice with the parents. 

Castiel ends up paying for three bunnies and Dean isn't sure if it’s out of remorse or he just really likes them.

"Good luck," Kelly says and gestures to the table before him.

"Thank you," he replies, smiling as if he didn't feel punched in the guts. But he tries to suck it up. This normal life thing seems to be for people like Castiel, not someone like Dean. Maybe he’d misread their interaction a week ago too. Perhaps Castiel is just socially awkward and has no idea what his smile can do to a man.

When they are gone, Billie finally shows up and suddenly, he’s free for an hour. He strolls through the other booths straight to Benny's food truck.

"Hey, chief!" his friend greets him. "What crawled up your ass and died?"

The question rips Dean out of his thoughts. "Sexy eyes, married as fuck."

"Oh, man. That sucks, I'm sorry. But maybe they just weren't the right match for you."

Dean sees the little family out of the corner of his eye. As Castiel kneels down to fasten Jack's shoes, the boy laughs and licks on his ice-cream. Yeah, Benny’s probably right.

"Jambalaya or Gumbo?" the cook asks.

"Both," Dean grins, "I'm starving."

Benny brings the bowls to the bar table and puts a beer in front of him, likely from his private stock. He pulls Dean into a side hug.

"You have a face as long as a fiddle. Lighten up. No one’s gonna marry you like that, little princess."

Dean chuckles. He wouldn't have anything against a stout hero saving him from singledom. But an ice-cold beer is nothing to scoff at either. He takes a pull and washes away the taste of aborted dreams from his mouth.


	7. Chapter 7

The visit to the fair was exhausting, at least for Jack, who nearly dozed off sitting on Castiel's shoulders. The adults just hope that a screening of 'Captain Underpants' will keep him awake until dinner is ready.

Kelly and Castiel work together like a well-oiled machine. Above all else, she is Castiel's oldest friend. Even ten years after she moved to Austin with her then-boyfriend, during which they only called maybe six or seven times a year, their friendship never died. When she’d found Castiel at her door, suitcase in hand, willing to drop everything to help her through her unexpected pregnancy, she’d broken down crying in his arms.

There had never been any romance between them. They were just curious teenagers in a religious environment. If their bible study time wasn't strictly used for the purposes it was meant for, no one could blame them.

She knows him better than anybody else, even Meg. When he couldn't get the word 'gay' out, she said it for him. And after he had nodded in confirmation, she’d told him that she loved him no matter what and that she was proud of him.

"Castiel, can I ask you something?" Kelly's voice carries a wariness that makes him fear the worst. He nods silently, fixing his gaze on the tomato he is chopping for the side salad.

Kelly seems to collect her thoughts as she doesn't ask straightaway. Castiel always loved that about her. Where Meg is loud, brash and almost exclusively sarcastic, Kelly is fierce in a quieter way, her strength rooted deep down in her soul.

Castiel will never forget the moment she took his hand and pressed it to her pregnant belly, the way Jack kicked against him, and how she looked at him when he proposed, caught up in the moment. How she cried and agreed, how she cried when he took it back . . . and how she trusted him when he promised to still take care of her and the baby.

Castiel knows that most people think that he is Jack's biological father. A whim of nature made the little boy and him truly look alike, even though the real begetter was a one-night stand.

The silence stretches and Castiel becomes even more anxious. What is she going to ask?

"Dean ... are you interested in him? Romantically?"

Castiel cuts himself as the knife slips out of his grip. He sucks the blood from his finger, ruminating. _What did she see? Was he_ that _obvious?_

"He's just a client. Substitute, at that. Normally, his colleague brings the school pets for check-ups and stuff," he replies.

"I see."

Castiel wants to know what exactly it is she’d seen; if she thinks that Dean might be interested, too. But he keeps his mouth shut. For good reasons.

"You like him," she says matter-of-factly. 

"I hardly know him," Castiel retorts and washes his hands to return to the cutting board.

"When will you finally allow yourself to live?" she asks softly.

 _I already do_ , he wants to say. He has everything he needs. More than that. Greed of any form doesn't suit him. But he stays silent. 

Because they’ve had this discussion several times before– pretty much every time he’s come to babysit Jack when she had a date. It didn't happen too often, as she’d always let her suitors know that she and Jack were a package deal. And until now, none of them had stuck around long enough to meet the child.

She worries her bottom lip. "I know that he likes men."

Castiel chokes on his own saliva. He coughs and she pats his back.

"Where ... what makes you think that?" 

Kelly can't stop herself from grinning. He can read the _‘gotcha!’_ in her eyes.

"Two mothers were gossiping while we were waiting at the school for enrollment. I didn't know who the teacher was at the time, but one of them was gushing about him and said that he was the only guy teaching at the school. And single. And _then_ another mother chimed in and said that she once saw him kissing a man. You know how that story goes."

Castiel hums in understanding. "He could have a boyfriend then," he adds dryly.

"Or … he’s looking for one," Kelly retorts, raising an eyebrow in challenge. "Tell me what happened between you two."

"Why do you think something happened?"

She only snickers in response. _Okay, **so** obvious._

"We had a ... moment," he says carefully, concentrating on the cucumber in front of him.

"A _moment_ ," she sings, grinning audibly.

"And then a very long handshake and ...," Castiel trails off.

"A kiss?"

Castiel’s eyes grow wide. "No! Heaven forbid!"

"You know I don't believe that Heaven actually forbids two men to kiss, right? Did you read the book I gave you for Christmas?"

Castiel rolls his eyes. "No. It won't change anything."

"It changed my granny's view and you're not as stubborn as her," she chuckles. "Promise me you’ll read it. Please."

"Okay, fine. I will. _If_ you leave me alone about Dean."

She looks at him for a long moment. "Forget the book. I want you to ask him out."

"Kelly!" Castiel's voice has an edge of panic now.

"He's cute, he's smart, he’s _very_ good looking. Not to mention, totally interested in you. What do you have to lose?" Kelly says in her usual no-nonsense way.

"The last time you said that, we nearly got convicted," Castiel reminds her, a small smile tugging on his lips.

Kelly snorts at the memory of her and Castiel 'borrowing' a friend’s car without permission. The mugshots still decorate her fridge. "Exactly. _Nearly_. So ..."

"You're a menace!" Castiel snickers. She always knew how to loosen him up when things got too heavy.

"You didn’t say that when I took your virginity," she jokes, still not letting go.

"That was two decades ago," Castiel says, rolling his eyes.

"If you were a woman I'm sure your hymen would be back in place, decorated with cobwebs."

Castiel's face turns serious again. "This conversation makes me uncomfortable."

Her head flips in his direction and she takes in his tense shoulders and stern expression. "I'm sorry, Castiel," she says, laying her hand on the small of his back. "It's just ... you deserve to be happy."

"I _am_ happy, Kelly."

"Okay. You won't hear another word from me. Just ... read the book, please."

And so he does. He reads it all in one go, all night, knowing halfway through that he’ll be skipping Sunday morning mass for the first time ever. And when he is well-rested, he will forge a plan to ask out a man for the very first time in his 38 years of life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're interested: The book Kelly is talking about is 'Changing Our Mind' by David P. Gushee.


	8. Chapter 8

"Dr Novak, I didn't expect to see you here," Charlie's chirpy voice reaches him while he stands in front of the bulletin board, trying to figure out where Dean's classroom might be.

He twirls around. "I ..."

"Can I help you with something?" she asks, looking at him curiously.

"I was looking for Dean Winchester," he says, just sowing more questions than he answers.

"Dean's in the gym with his class. He should be back any minute. Did he forget something at your clinic? I could give it to him so you don't need to wait," Charlie offers.

Castiel feels heat crawling up his chest to his cheeks. He's pretty sure his ears are glowing, too. He takes a deep breath to steady himself. He has a doctorate, damn it! He will manage to not embarrass himself.

"No. It's actually a personal matter," he says, wiping his already sweating hands over his trenchcoat. He feels ridiculous. Why did he think that wearing a suit would be a good idea for this occasion? What made him think that coming here at all would be a good idea?

He may have had an epiphany in the early Sunday hours, a first step toward embracing who he is after years of struggling with his sexual orientation and God themself. But he knows he still has a good way to go. Why, oh _why _did he think it would be smart to dress up, walk into someone else's workplace, and ask them out though he barely knows them? Just because Kelly thinks that Dean _might_ be interested in him, too?__

__This morning, his plan had sounded so good ... in his head. Even Wyatt seemed to agree when he told him about it. Castiel suddenly realises how weird it was to trust a horse's opinion in matters of the heart. No wonder people think he's weird. Perhaps Dean is one of those people, too, and all Castiel will manage is to expose himself to ridicule._ _

__When he emerges from the sea of his thoughts, he looks into kind but confused eyes. "I could bring you to his classroom," Charlie offers, "You're not allowed to enter, but he'll have to go past you when he returns."_ _

__"That would be very kind of you. Thank you, Ms Bradbury," Castiel says, and follows her without a word. She's filling the silence with enough chatter anyway. Charlie is nice and Castiel wonders if she and Dean are more than just colleagues, if they spend their free time together._ _

__They arrive at the classroom door and Castiel contemplates leaving after they say goodbye. But when he finally gets himself to move, the corridor fills with children's voices and he looks into green eyes that look back at him in surprise._ _

__"Castiel," Dean says, his warm and low voice vibrating through the vet's very soul, "what are you doing here?"_ _

__The addressee opens his mouth, but a dark-haired girl leapfrogs him. "Is this your boyfriend, Mr Winchester?" she asks._ _

__Castiel looks at the other man in panic, but Dean just chuckles softly. "I'm single, Kaia. But it isn't very polite to ask such personal questions, is it?"_ _

__The girl shakes her head and Dean sends the kids into their classroom to change back into their normal clothes._ _

__"We had a pipe burst in the locker room, sorry," Dean explains the chaos erupting in his classroom and Castiel manages to chuckle, albeit a little nervously. "I only have a minute until they're ready. Is something wrong with our hamster?" Dean asks, knitting his brows together._ _

__"No. Actually, I ... I wanted to ask you if you ... if you were interested in ..." _Going out with me? Holding my hand? Kissing me senseless?_ _ _

__Castiel feels like a fish on land, gasping for words that are not willing to come. He looks at the kids and then back at Dean, who waits patiently, like a saint, for the weird pet doctor to finally end his sentence. "... visiting me with your class?"_ _

__The words fall from Castiel's lips without his approval. Why did he just say that?_ _

__Dean frowns at him, probably in an attempt to suppress laughter at his stupid 'idea', and Castiel just wants to curl up and die right here on the floor._ _

__"I'm not sure if a veterinary practice is such a good place for little kids," Dean says slowly and Castiel realises how dumb he must sound._ _

__"No, of course not," he agrees and looks away, his cheeks burning in shame. The next sentence comes as unprompted as the one before. Dean seems to tease out the moronic side of Castiel, one the man hadn't even known had existed. "I meant my little homestead. We've got horses and guinea-pigs, rabbits, and other rodents too, some semi-wild cats and so on. I thought that might be fun."_ _

__"Oh," Dean acknowledges the offer._ _

__Apparently, this new side of Castiel isn't ready to stop yet. "We could have a picnic on the pasture and we could have a paperchase on my land." Castiel hates picnics and scavenger hunts even more. He's not sure if the grass will survive a horde of fourth-graders, but he's beyond caring. He's screwed anyways, so he decides to go out swinging._ _

__"Umm, that's a great offer, Castiel. Thank you," Dean says, a surprised but pleased look on his face. "I will discuss it with the school administration. I'll call you ... if that's okay?" Dean looks at him, soft and warm._ _

__"Sure," Castiel says, a shy smile tugging at the corners of his lips, and he searches his pockets for a business card. Miraculously, he finds one and writes his private number on the back. "Call me whenever ..."_ _

__He smiles at Dean more confidently now, suddenly giddy in anticipation. He will see him again and if he doesn't make a total fool of himself, he might be able to ask him out later. Yeah, change of plan. He still counts this as a win._ _

__Dean smiles back at him, wide and genuine, and butterflies storm through Castiel's stomach. He walks backwards, just to look at Dean a tiny bit longer. He runs into a wall and despite the knockabout comedy he gives Dean for free, the other man's chuckle is kind and jovial behind him._ _

__"Goodbye, Dean," he says._ _

__"See ya, Castiel," Dean answers and the vet is plainly relieved that he manages to not run into the next wall._ _

__It's a date. Somehow. Maybe._ _


	9. Chapter 9

"Sounds fun," Charlie says. "I wonder why he never offered _me_ that." She grins at Dean over her ice-cream bowl.

Dean rolls his eyes and shovels a huge spoonful of ice-cream into his mouth, regretting it instantly. "Aaah, brain-freeze," he wails pressing his hand to his forehead. 

Charlie cackles. 

"You're a mean woman!" Dean complains, pointing an accusatory finger at her.

"That's why you love me," she grins. “But right now, you are at my mercy: _spill_ , handmaiden!"

Dean groans, still waiting for the pain to fully fade. "About what?"

"Cas-ti-el," she sings. Dean sometimes _really_ hates her sunny personality. 

"You know him better than I do," he simply states.

"But he doesn't get all flustered because of me, does he?" Dean wants to wipe the grin off her face. But it's not her fault that she's poking the hornets' nest.

Still, her words make him curious. Maybe he didn't imagine that Castiel's interest in him. "What do you mean?" he asks, cocking an eyebrow.

"He is so adorable," Charlie declares, "and he _so_ has a crush on you."

Dean groans and fills his mouth carefully with a little bit of ice-cream. "He better not. He's married. And he has a son. Little Jack is the spitting image of his father. And I'll have him next year in my class. The gods are truly against me."

Charlie frowns. "Jack? Blond? Piercing blue eyes?"

Dean nods. "Did you test him for the enrollment?"

"Yeah. Nice mother," she says and knits her brow together. Something is niggling at her brain, but she doesn't know what. "Oh, man. That sucks!"

"Yeah. Especially since I think you might be right. I felt it, back in the clinic. And then again when he stopped by. For a minute, I forgot that he was taken … and you know how I am. I would never fall for a married person. But there was clearly something ... a spark. I've never felt something like it before," Dean is nearly whispering at the end, as if he shared a big secret with her. Maybe he has. He looks miserable, though. Charlie's heart aches on her friend's behalf. "But there's no use in dwelling on it," Dean adds.

Charlie purses her lips and looks away. _That's just not fair!_ Her friend finally shows interest in someone, after all these years, and they're already taken. But why did Castiel come? Is he really so insouciant as to lead on his son's future teacher? Or even worse – to try to get into said teacher's pants? Charlie would have never thought he'd be _that_ kinda guy. But still waters run deep ...

"Whatcha gonna do about his offer, then?" she asks carefully. 

Dean shrugs and sighs. "I don't think that the field-trip will be permitted, anyway. I think I'll submit the offer though, just in case he checks on it."

"I'm so sorry, Dean," Charlie says, squeezing his hand.

"Don't be. It's no loss. Nothing's happened. He's just a good-looking stranger."

Charlie doesn't believe a single word he's said.

***

_Shit!_ Dean looks at the paper he had just pulled out of his tray. 'Approved' the stamp mocks him. He never thought that this would go through. The principal isn't usually one for extracurricular field-trips, but somehow _this one_ she permitted. _Just great._

He walks to his usual spot in the teachers' lounge and rummages around in his leather bag. Where did he put Castiel's card last week?

He finds it after emptying the bag, so he's already disgruntled when he dials to call him.

The phone rings for a long time. How difficult can it be to activate your voicemail? Dean thinks about hanging up when Castiel's voice suddenly comes through, strained and clipped from the other side. "Hi. One moment, please," Dean hears him say and the muffled sounds of a face-down phone follows.

Dean checks the time on his watch and brushes his hand nervously through his hair. He listens to murmuring voices and what he guesses is a screeching animal. Then a rattling and then Castiel's voice again. 

"Sorry, who is this?" the vet asks and then continues to say, obviously to someone else than Dean, "No, I won't give her an enema. Tell him that."

Dean chuckles quietly. What the heck is happening on the other side of the line? 

"I apologise, this dwarf rabbit is a real beast."

"Maybe the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch could help," Dean jokes, thoroughly amused about the whole Monty Python-esque situation.

"I don't think that weaponry would be a good choice for curing constipation," Castiel says matter-of-factly and Dean is speechless for a long moment. It's one thing to not know _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_ , but a totally different thing to not get that it had clearly been a joke.

Dean rolls his eyes and breathes out slowly. _Whatever._ "Hi, Castiel. It's Dean. I'm calling about the field trip ... it was approved."

There is silence on the other side of the call and Dean wonders if Castiel had just hung up on him. He looks at his phone's screen. Nope, still connected. Then there is a rustling of fabric and the clear sound of a closing door.

"Hi. I ... I shouldn't have picked up. That was unprofessional." 

Dean frowns. Why is the man apologising? "It's okay. Sorry, I should have texted you. Thought this was more personal," he says and regrets his choice of words immediately. That's not what this is about. It's just a professional call. "Um, how did you plan this thing to go?"

"I ... I didn't really plan anything," Castiel confesses, "but I'm sure we can figure this out. Together?"

The insecurity in his voice is endearing and Dean needs to remind himself that this is a father and a husband and not someone he can flirtingly tease during a call.

"Sure, sure," he replies instead. "Maybe it would be good to check the premises to see if it's safe for the kids. And we could plan the scavenger hunt. Any chance you can make time this afternoon?" _Rip the band-aid off. Get this over with._

"Yes, I'm actually free. Wednesdays, I always take care of Jack in the afternoon. I'm sure he'd love to join us. If you don't mind, of course."

Good. The man won't hit on him with his son around. Hopefully.

"Sure thing. What time?" Dean asks.

"I pick up Jack from kindergarten at two, and then he needs to eat something. How about three?"

"Yeah. Just message me the address. See ya later, Castiel."

"See you later, Dean."

They hang up and Dean lets out a long sigh. He can do this.


	10. Chapter 10

Castiel watches Jack eat his sandwich. Or more accurately, he stares in his general direction while far inside his own head. He had hoped that caring for the boy would take his mind off things, but the closer the clock ticks to 3 pm, the more nervous he's getting. 

It's ridiculous, isn't it? This isn't even a date. Dean's only coming to work with him. Nothing more. But he's also visiting Castiel's home and no man has ever passed the boundaries of his land – save Gabriel, Meg's lovers, and the guy who reads the electricity meter.

Nervously, Castiel runs his hands over his jeans, the one that Meg said hugged him in all the right places. He knows she would tease the hell out of him right now if she knew that the guy who made his heart throb is on his way. Good that it's vaccination day. She'll be busy and so would not run into them. He wouldn't survive her sass or - _Heaven forbid_ \- if Dean showed more interest in her than he did in Castiel.

Normally, Castiel would welcome it ... but not with Dean. Dean is different. Who becomes an elementary school teacher without passion and idealism? He's well-educated and a sight to behold. The mere memory of his smile makes Castiel giddy and he wonders what it might be like to wake up to it.

He hears the car before he can see it and shakes his head before it can drift towards inappropriate thoughts. He steps out of the yellow-painted house and Dean is already shutting the door to his black car. Castiel has no clue about cars, but he recognises beauty when he sees it. And ogling at the beautiful car is probably safer than ogling the beautiful owner.

Castiel is pretty sure that he looks like a smitten teenager. The smile on his face is painful but he doesn't care. His heart nearly beats its way out of his chest when he sees the tall man walking up to him, and he isn't sure if his voice will uphold if he doesn't use it quickly.

"Hello, Dean," he croaks out and the other man smiles. It's soft and warm and Castiel just wants to bottle it up and use it on dark days, when his heart is heavy and his soul weary.

They shake hands, quickly and with the appropriate pressure (at least, Castiel hopes so; he never mastered this correctly – something his father never got tired of reminding him). Dean says, "Hiya, Castiel," and it wraps around him like a soft blanket. God, he’s already so gone for this man.

He doesn't understand how Dean can easily break all his walls down, every rampart built over decades and fortified in the last six years crumbling to dust with a smile and a teasing remark about his beat-up truck.

"Mr Winchester!" Jack calls from the front door and flies over the few steps leading down from the porch.

"Hi, Jack. How are you doin' today, buddy?" Dean asks, patting the boy on his shoulder.

"Great. Mum is working today. And I had PB&J for lunch," he explains.

"It's about the only thing I can 'cook'," Castiel says. Dean chuckles. He shouldn't find the air quotes as endearing as he does.

He clears his throat. "So, the animals. I'd like to prepare the kids. Create placards with them – about what species they are, what care they need, and so on. I thought maybe _you_ could question them about it when you show them the pets and fill in interesting facts or something." He pulls out a little notepad from his jacket pocket. "What cuties do you have up your sleeve?"

Castiel stares at him a moment too long, but Jack saves him from dying of embarrassment. "We have guinea-pigs and bunnies, a few chickens and oh, ducks in the pond."

"There's open water on the grounds?" Dean asks with concern.

"It's fenced in," Castiel quickly assures. "I wouldn't want to endanger Jack if he's unsupervised for a moment."

Dean nods and smiles. "Good. What else?"

Castiel continues where Jack had left off, reciting, "Umm, cats. But I can't guarantee that they'll be available as they're outdoor cats and technically not mine. But they are vaccinated. Then there are two horses. We could probably let the kids ride on them."

Dean nods. "I'll have to consult the principal for that. But on a leash ... is that the right term?"

"We can use lead-ropes," Castiel suggests, "Our horses are very calm and they are used to kids. We had a horse party at Jack's last birthday."

"It was awesome!" Jack exclaims and both men laugh.

They walk the grounds and talking is easy. So easy that Castiel can't fathom it. Usually, communication is difficult, which makes him feel like an idiot. But he relaxes more and more in the presence of Dean's easy smile, appreciative words, and tender teasing. It feels too good to be true.

When they are back at the house, Dean leans against his car, patting his little notebook in his hand. "You have a beautiful home," he says and a blush crawls up Castiel's cheeks.

"Thank you, Dean. I put all my heart into it."

"I can see that," Dean says.

"Do you want to come in for a piece of pie? It's our Wednesday tradition," Castiel says and ruffles Jack's hair.

Dean chuckles. He wanted to keep this 100 per cent professional, but it's _pie_. "Can't say 'no' to _that_ offer," he says, grinning like a schoolboy, and Castiel's legs turn to jelly.

"Let's go inside then," the vet says as he climbs the stairs. "We could eat it outside on the porch," he suggests. "This breeze is so nice, today."

Dean hums in approval. Castiel opens the door and Dean hears footsteps from within. Not human steps, no. He freezes. 

No one told him about dogs! He tries to steady his breathing, to avoid panicking. But the very next second, a furry monster leaps at him and nearly knocks him over.

"Mim!" Castiel shouts and grabs the dog by her collar. "Stop! How often do I have to tell you to not jump on visitors?"

If Dean weren't rooted in place, his tongue heavy as lead and his heart still trying to find its way back to a normal rhythm, he might have shot Castiel a salty comment. But he's still recovering, slowly. 

"I'm so sorry, Dean. She's so wild," Castiel says and turns around. He takes in the pale man in front of him, with a stare that suggests he isn't really present. "Are you okay?" he asks and the words snap Dean out of his stupor. 

He chuckles, but it's shallow and rattled.

"Jack, bring the dogs to my room, please. And then you can watch the Smurf movie. It's still in the DVD player from last time," Castiel says, and as soon as the boy disappears with the dogs, he lays a hand on Dean's arm.

The warmth of the touch is anchoring Dean, making him relax and able to breathe a little easier. "I'm so sorry, Dean. I wasn't aware that you were afraid of dogs."

Dean runs a hand through his hair in a nervous gesture. More colour seems to bleed out of his face. "Dog bite," he presses out, not ready yet to form full sentences.

Castiel nods and lets his hand glide down to Dean's, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Let's sit down for a moment, shall we?"

Dean nods, so Castiel guides him to one of the rattan chairs. Dean slumps into it and his limbs start to tremble. "You're safe, Dean. They are secured away," Castiel speaks softly, repeating the words again and again until Dean calms down.

"Sorry," the teacher murmurs.

"You have nothing to apologise for," Castiel replies.

Dean nods, colour returning to his face gradually and sensation to his fingers. He feels Castiel's thumb brushing over his knuckles. It sends warmth through Dean's still rigid body.

He shouldn't enjoy this. Shouldn't allow himself to take more than comfort from the gesture. But he is still too unhinged to give a crap about what may be appropriate for a married man to give him in terms of affection. It's harmless and he needs the touch, the reassurance that he is truly safe.

"Thank you," he whispers and when Castiel pulls him into a slightly awkward hug, he's helpless against giving in. Just for one moment. Just to become himself again.

He blinks away the tears welling up in his eyes and the stupid feeling of finding home after a life-long journey.


	11. Chapter 11

Castiel looks at the bottle of root beer in his hand and runs the other over his eyes. Meg's pat on his shoulder startles him. He hadn't even heard her Range Rover coming.

"You look as if you've seen a ghost," she says. "Are you okay, Clarence?"

Castiel shakes his head and takes a slug from the now lukewarm beverage.

He looks at her with tired eyes, his whole face slack and nearly sad-looking. Meg pulls him into a hug. She may be a chatterbox, but she knows when it's necessary to keep her mouth shut.

A quiet chuckle vibrates into her shoulder and she frowns in confusion. "Castiel?"

She uses his real name only when she's concerned, but the man in her arms can't keep himself from cackling. It's infectious and tugs at the corners of her lips. She pulls back and studies his face, now in amusement. He still looks as if he was hit by a bus, but happy somehow.

"What the hell happened?"

Castiel stifles his laughter. "I met the man of my dreams," he says and Meg's eyes grow wide.

"What!?"

A new, louder chuckle bursts out of Castiel and his face erupts in pure joy. "He's perfect and he's bi and actually single! He's beautiful and smart. He's afraid of dogs, but I referred him to Tessa. You know, the psychologist who offers these cynophobia courses? He's good with kids and Wyatt loved him immediately. You know how that horse can get sometimes."

Meg starts laughing about the atypical torrent of words coming out of her friend's mouth. "Who is this perfect man and how did you meet him?"

Castiel tells her the whole story and he looks so delighted that Meg can't even make herself be spicy about hiding it from her earlier. She's never seen Castiel like this, so ... carelessly happy.

"Not that it isn't a delight to see you like this, but ... what changed?"

"I don't know. Dean happened ... and then the book Kelly gave me. I can't say that I'm ready to be out and proud, but for the first time I feel ... I feel like I'm allowed to. As if I _want_ to. This sounds so stupid, I know." He lowers his eyes, retreating to the quiet man she's used to after all these years.

Meg takes his hand in hers. "No. It doesn't." She tips his chin up to meet her gaze. "You were taught to hide who you really are. I am so proud of you. You're so brave. Now, you start rejecting those old voices. It'll take time to drown them out, to find your own. But you _will_ and you'll feel so much better, Dean or no Dean."

Castiel smiles shyly. "I already feel so much better about myself."

Meg smiles back and cups his cheek with her hand. "And what's your next step in conquering Mr Perfect?"

Castiel looks down at his socked feet, blushing like a teenage girl. "The field-trip with his class to our little homestead is next Tuesday," he says with a mischievous smile playing on his lips.

"Noooo," Meg whines, "I'm on that stupid conference next week."

"Good. Then you can't embarrass me in front of him," Castiel chuckles.

"You'll manage that all on your own, my friend," she grins.

***

"Hey, Sammy," Dean says, sitting at the bar in Ellen's Roadhouse.

"Hey! How are you, man?" his brother asks and slumps on a barstool beside him.

"Same old, same old. Where did you leave your better half?" Dean asks, searching the room for his favourite sister-in-law.

Sam chuckles. "She's in an artistic flow. Can't interrupt that."

"Yeah. Unless you want her to ruin your one good shirt, again," Dean laughs, recalling that the last time she had been interrupted, Eileen had turned around and slapped a brush dripping with acrylic paint all over Sammy's new plaid shirt.

"She's really a Fury if you interrupt her during work," Sam laughs softly, and a feeling of pride spreads across Dean's chest.

Sam may be his little brother, but Dean had also been the one who fed him as a child, who had held him through his first heartbreak, who had been the first to know that he had fallen for an art student and needed money for an ASL course, just to be able to impress her. _Money well spent_ , Dean muses.

"Yeah. You learnt that the hard way when you picked her up for your first date," he says laughing.

"Who'd ever forget being nearly stabbed by your future wife?" Sam grins and motions the bartender to bring him a beer. "Why did you call me? Usually, we plan a little more in advance."

"Do I need a reason to go for a beer with my little brother?"

"Is Benny not free tonight?" Sam teases. It's not bitchy. He accepts his older brother's way of life, even though he ardently wished Dean would find someone to settle down with.

"Nah, he just wouldn't be the right one to talk to. He knows me too well," Dean grins into his beer glass.

"Jerk," Sam says without heat.

"Bitch," Dean retorts affectionately. 

They drink their beers in silence. Sam waits Dean out. He knows that his brother needs to talk in his own time.

"I met someone," Dean finally says.

Sam smiles and nudges him with his elbow. "That's great!"

"No ... it isn't," Dean sighs, runs his hand over his eyes, and pinches the bridge of his nose. "He's taken, maybe not married given that he doesn't wear a wedding ring. But he has a child and a partner."

"Shit. I'm sorry, Dean," Sam lays a hand on his brother's shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly.

"But he ... he gives me these heart eyes and blushes whenever I compliment him. _Damn_ , he's so beautiful ... and great with kids and animals. I freaked out over a dog and he was so patient with me. God, I'm so screwed."

"Is he someone you meet regularly?"

Dean shakes his head. "No, not right now. But his kid will be in my class next school year."

"Fuck."

"Yeah," Dean says and signals the bartender that he wants a refill.

"What are you planning to do?"

He shrugs his shoulders. "Play it cool next week when I have to work with him and hope that my crush dissipates over the summer."

"As good a plan as any," Sam agrees.

Dean lets his head fall into his hands on the bar and sighs. "I hardly fall for someone. Why did it have to be him?"

Sam pats him on his back. "Look at the positive side," he proposes.

Dean raises his head and cocks an eyebrow. "And what would _that_ be?"

Sam gives him a little smile. "The stony little heart of yours is still able to love."

"It's not love," Dean retorts. _Yet_ , his treacherous brain adds.


	12. Chapter 12

Castiel nearly vibrates out of his skin. He can't sleep. He's too excited to see Dean again. So he gets up before dawn and hides the cues for the scavenger hunt that Dean emailed him. When the sun peaks over the horizon, he starts the usual morning round and afterwards, he jumps under the shower. He contemplates shaving but remembers Dean's delightful scruff. Maybe he likes a little stubble on another man, too?

When he returns from the bathroom, his best jeans, fresh from the laundry, and a new plaid shirt that Kelly bought him for the occasion are already lying on his dresser, together with his favourite bee socks and the bee belt buckle that Gabriel gifted him for his last birthday.

The kids would arrive around 9:30 as they had to walk all the way from their school to his little homestead. Still, there's at least half an hour to go. For the umpteenth time, he runs his hand nervously through his hair. Why did he even _try_ styling it earlier?

He walks over to the stable and grooms Wyatt so he can saddle him quickly later. If the horse doesn't manage to get himself thoroughly dirty in the meantime again, of course.

The gelding snuggles up to him, a grounding presence in Castiel's giddiness. The vet gathers up what he will need later: the western saddle, the headcollar, and the lead-rope. It's only then that he hears the first of the chattering kids. _Showtime._

To his confusion, he is greeted by Charlie who pulls him into a surprising hug. "We are the vanguard. Dean is coming with the slower kids. Wow, he didn't exaggerate. This place is awesome! Isn't it, kids?" she exclaims excitedly.

"Are you the pet doctor?" a little boy asks. Castiel nods.

"I have a pet hamster," a girl says. 

"And I have a cat!" another one adds. 

"We have turtles. My brother is allergic," a boy explains. 

Castiel looks at the kids. "They are a handful, aren't they?" he asks, chuckling.

Charlie snickers. "Yes, but we love them for it."

The adults share soft smiles and then Castiel sees him. Sporting his usual jeans-and-plaid attire, combat boots and ... Castiel swallows hard ... a cowboy hat. It should be ridiculous, but it absolutely isn't. 

Everything slows down like in a stupid romance movie where every detail is exaggerated as the protagonist drinks in their love interest, the flex of every muscle is visible and the curling of his lips are in such details that it is close to being softcore porn. Not that Castiel ever would have watched one. 

With great effort, he pulls his eyes away from Dean and slams right into Charlie's gaze, which pierces him with an unreadable look.

Castiel clears his throat and greets the other teacher. Dean's smile that beamed at the kids just a few seconds ago suddenly looks strained and the teacher pushes his hands into the pockets of his jeans, obviously trying to avoid even shaking hands with the vet. Castiel wonders if he had already managed to offend both teachers somehow. Not that he would ever figure out how.

Thankfully, the kids start to torpedo him with a million questions and they can start what they planned for the morning.

Both teachers seem to relax a little over the next few hours, although Castiel sees them whispering, a few steps away from the kids and clearly talking about him. Or maybe it's just Castiel's insecurities back in full swing. He feels like that often, unless he is immersed in his work - a little unhinged, insecure, like the butt of every joke.

But the kids call his attention and soon enough, they all start discussing the differences between rabbits and hares.

The scavenger hunt is a big success. And the riding, too. Wyatt is on his best behaviour and the kids hoot when both teachers mount the horse. Castiel compliments Dean while he leads Wyatt and him around the paddock. In response, he finally gets one of those warm smiles that he had been missing all morning. The eruptinging butterflies in his stomach nearly make him swoon.

After the last kid finishes, Castiel bridles his horse and swings into the saddle himself. On horseback, he escorts the class through the fields behind his grounds to the road where they bid goodbye. Even though he and Dean had a few enjoyable moments sprinkled over the morning, at this point, Castiel is convinced that he did something wrong. Dean can barely look at him and Charlie watches her colleague with a sad, sympathetic smile.

The giddy feeling that accompanied Castiel in the early morning hours had long changed into dread. He should have known he would mess this up somehow. It was too good to be true.

***

"Hey, c'mere," Charlie says when they are finally alone in the back of Dean's classroom. She pulls him into a hug. "It's not your fault," she tries to comfort him.

He wriggles out of her embrace. He doesn't need this. He needs to fuel the fire of anger in his stomach, to smoke out the ghost of Castiel that is still wafting through his body and mind. Why did he have to be so perfect today? Patient with the kids, funny, awkwardly flirty, and so good-looking on the back of his horse. How could Dean not steal glimpses, with his treacherous heart leaping whenever Castiel looked at him?

"What did he expect? I mean, he obviously tried to impress me today. Why the hell does he think that's okay?" Dean grunts.

Charlie shrugs. "Maybe his relationship is coming to an end, or maybe they just have an open one. People live different kinds of lives, Dean," she points out. "He might not even think that it's bad to hit on you. Not everyone believes in monogamy."

Dean nods. "But I do."

There is a quiet knock at the door and both teachers turn around to see who had come in after school.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but ..." Castiel trails off. He stands in the doorway, a canvas bag in his hand. He looks small in his baggy trenchcoat. And terrible. Eyes puffy, the hair even messier than it had been an hour and a half ago when they had parted. _Definitely in need of a good hug_ , Dean thinks.

It takes a moment until the teacher can school his face into something neutral. _Crap!_ Did the vet hear their speculations over his private life?

"How can we help you, Castiel? Is something wrong?" Charlie asks.

Castiel forces his gaze to turn to her. "I just brought the riding helmet that Jessy forgot at my place. I thought I'd stop by and leave it here."

"That's very nice of you, Castiel. Thank you," Dean says, his voice sounding far more clipped than he had intended. The anger is still simmering; it's so much easier than feeling hurt.

Castiel puts the bag with the helmet on the teacher's desk and returns to the door. He turns around and watches both of them for a long moment.

"Is there anything else?" Charlie asks softly, sensing his distress.

"Yes," he answers and takes a deep breath to gather his courage. "Can you tell me what I did wrong?"

Both teachers share a look as if they had been caught with their pants down. It would be funny, had the tension in the room not just risen thousandfold. Castiel looks straight at Dean with his inescapable gaze and incredibly sad eyes.

"What do you mean?" Dean asks, nearly choking on the words.

"When you visited me last week I thought that we might become ... friends of sorts. And today you were cold and distant most of the time. Just with me, though. So I must start from the premise that I did something to offend you. I racked my brains for over an hour and I can't find a single fault in my behaviour, although I'm usually really good at that. So please, tell me. Because it's driving me crazy."

Dean looks at Charlie, not sure what to say.

"Tell him," she finally whispers. But Dean just stares at the vet, clenching his jaw till it hurts. The staring goes on for a good minute before Charlie's patience runs out.

"God! Really, guys? Is this how it's going to be? You two idiots not talking to one another?" She throws her hands into the air dramatically. "I am out of here. TALK!" And with that, she presses past the vet through the threshold and is gone.

Castiel is even more confused than before. He takes a few steps in Dean's direction, but the other man stops him with a raised hand. Castiel freezes to the spot. The space between them seems insurmountable, like a wide crevice going right through the classroom. 

"Castiel, I'm sorry that I wasn't ... look, you were very nice. The kids had great fun. But ... you can't expect more. We can't be friends."

Castiel nods in understanding. "I apologise. I wasn't aware that my attraction to you was so off putting." He swallows hard around the sudden lump in his throat and Dean's heart clenches painfully. The vet looks like a wounded animal. But Dean is the one getting hurt in this scenario, because he can't have what he really wants. 

"I never meant to make you uncomfortable, Dean. I made the mistake of misreading your kindness as romantic interest. I am very sorry. I won't bother you with my presence any longer."


	13. Chapter 13

Castiel turns to leave, shoulders slumped, defeated. How could he ever think that a man like Dean - handsome, funny, confident - could be interested in him? He's been so stupid. He had made a total fool of himself. And to make things even worse, he’ll see the teacher again and again when he'll start picking up Jack from school. Oh, the embarrassment!

Castiel is already so deep in his own head that he nearly misses Dean calling his name.

"I don't think that's fair! You just throw that at me and make _me_ feel bad about it?"

Castiel turns around, scrutinising the angry face on the other side of the classroom. "There's nothing to feel bad about, Dean. I have no right to expect you to reciprocate my feelings. I promise I will never talk of it again. I understand."

Dean feels the familiar anger bursting in his chest.

"What do you 'understand'?" He barely can keep himself from shouting. "Because I can't wrap my head around the whole thing. That you stumble into my life, turn my head, and keep hitting on me even _after_ I learn that you have a family? What kind of sick game are you playing here?"

Castiel's face gets livid. A thousand different emotions contradict and battle each other. Dean feels like he’s getting whiplash just watching him. Did the other man never reflect on what his behaviour might come off as? That when looking for a third wheel on a tricycle, you should use open communication and not just assume that the person you're interested in might share your own definition of a relationship?

"Dean, what are you talking about?" Castiel asks, his voice shaking from emotion.

"Really? Your partner? Your son?" Castiel stares at him in confusion. Dean shakes his head and briefly wonders if the other man had lost all his marbles. "Kelly? Jack? Do those names ring a bell?"

Castiel gapes at him as the words sink in. He closes his mouth and starts smiling, first soft, then wide and gummy. His eyes light up and Dean knits his brow together. _What the hell!?_

"Why are you grinning?" Dean demands to know.

"I turned your head?" he asks, beaming at him.

Dean gasps for air and a response. "Well ... kinda. But that's not the point."

Castiel moves towards him, his shoulders straighter now, his whole demeanour changed. He looks ... delighted. Dean's heart skips a beat or two. What’s happening here?

Castiel stops in front of him, way too close. Dean should demand him to respect his personal space but he can't make himself do it. He only needed to lean in and he could kiss the vet. He wants to. So badly.

Castiel is just as beautiful up close and he smells perfect, like lemons and horses, and the pie they have shared last week. But Dean mustn't. He could never face himself in the mirror again, if he did.

Dean clears his throat. "Um, Castiel. What are you doin'?"

The vet pins him down with an amused gaze that unsettles Dean. "Telling you that I am single and that Jack is not my son."

Dean looks at him dumbfounded. "What?" he squeaks.

Castiel snickers and looks up at him through his eyelashes. It does _things_ to Dean's insides.

"Kelly is my oldest friend and a single mum. I help her out with Jack. I may be a surrogate father for him, but that's all."

Dean swallows hard. "So, there's never been anything between you and her?"

Castiel falters a little. "Well ... yes, actually. Back when I was 17. I hope that's not a problem." He frowns, suddenly looking insecure again.

Dean starts chuckling. He takes a step back to centre himself and runs a hand over his face. "You're single?"

"Yes, Dean," Castiel confirms.

The teacher shakes his head. "You're single."

"Yes, Dean," Castiel repeats, chuckling. "Very much so."

"And if I asked you out, would you say ...?"

"Yes? I would definitely say yes, Dean," Castiel grins.

"Good ... good to know, Cass," Dean smiles.

***

[Dean:] Wanna go out on Friday?

[Cass:] It would be my pleasure, Dean.

[Dean:] Great. 😄 Anything I should avoid while planning our date?

[Cass:] A steakhouse would only leave me stuffed with potatoes and salad. But I would take the bullet for you.

[Dean:] You're really willing to make sacrifices in a relationship ...

[Cass:] Are we in a relationship?

[Dean:] Let's see how that date goes.

[Cass:] Don't buy a 🐷 in a poke.

[Dean:] Yeah. Something like that. 😅

[Cass:] Just tell me what to wear.👔

[Dean:] 🤠

[Cass:] I don't own a cowboy hat, Dean.

[Dean:] Why not? You'd look cute.

[Cass:] I'm a grown man. I don't look "cute".

[Dean:] You really have no idea, do you?

[Cass:] What do you mean?

[Dean:] Nothing.

[Cass:] ❓ 🦧  
[Cass:] 🦉 🐟 🐸 🦊 🦌 🦞 🐕 🐔 🐪 🦘 🦙 🐞 

[Dean:] Wow. You really love animals.

[Cass:] Sorry. That was Mim. She's insufferable tonight, like a lapdog.

[Dean:] 🙈 😂  
[Dean:] Ben once got a hold of my phone. Texted the teacher's chat group. My colleagues had a blast.

[Cass:] Who’s Ben?

[Dean:] My ex's son. Still, kinda mine too.

[Cass:] I think it's wonderful that you stayed in his life.

[Dean:] Not jealous?

[Cass:] I can't make you want to be with me. But if you should, then I will accept your life as it is. As I hope you will mine.

[Dean:] Thanks.

[Cass:] You're welcome, Dean.

[Dean:] You're freaking me out with your politeness, man.

[Cass:] I'm sorry.

[Dean:] Don't be. That's why I think you're cute.

[Cass:] It's cute to freak you out?

[Dean:] 🤷 😇

[Cass:] You'll be the death of me.

[Dean:] Only the French small kind, handsome.

_**Castiel doesn't answer for several minutes.** _

[Dean:] Are you still there?

[Cass:] Yes.

[Dean:] Did I cross a line with that? I'm sorry.

[Cass:] It's quite alright, Dean.

[Dean:] Shit. I messed up, didn't I?

[Cass:] It's not your fault, Dean.  
[Cass:] You might reconsider asking me out, though.

[Dean:] Why?

[Cass:] I won't sleep with you.

[Dean:] Never?  
[Dean:] Are you ace?

[Cass:] I didn't say that. What does "ace" mean?

[Dean:] Asexual.

[Cass:] I would like to have sex with you one day.

[Dean:] Look at us. Already making plans for the future. 😄 

[Cass:] 🙄 Good night, Dean. 🌜

[Dean:] Sweet dreams, Cass. 🌟

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "La petite mort" (the little death) is a French term for orgasm or the post-orgasm blackout.


	14. Chapter 14

They meet outside a little indie café within walking distance of Dean's apartment.

"Hello, Dean," Castiel says, smiling shyly.

Dean answers with a wide grin. "Hiya, Cass. Was nearly worried you would stand me up."

"Never. I just had a Sunday driver in front of me. I'm sorry that you had to wait."

"Nah. You're worth waiting for."

Castiel blushes and looks at his boots. _So adorable._

Their hug is slightly awkward. Dean can't remember ever being with someone so shy. He just hopes that he doesn't scare Castiel off with his often blunt mannerisms.

"Wanna go inside? Sammy recommended it. Said it's the best veggie food in town," Dean tries to chase away the weirdness of the moment. 

"You didn't need to choose a vegetarian restaurant, Dean. I'm not one to impose my beliefs on someone else."

"That's good to know. But I wanted you to have plenty of options to choose from. My date deserves the best."

He opens the door and motions Cass to step inside. The vet smiles softly and nods his thanks. They get a table outside, on the terrace, overlooking the blooming town square. Indie rock comes softly from the inside, not too loud to hinder a proper conversation. Castiel orders a fair trade cola and Dean an organic beer. They study the menu. Castiel sighs.

"What's wrong?" Dean asks.

Castiel chuckles. "Too many options. I can't decide. Normal restaurants are easier."

Dean looks at him in amusement. "You choose where we go next time," he says and takes a sip from his glass.

"Who's making future plans now?" Castiel retorts. 

Dean isn't sure if the other man wanted to tease him or not, but he kind of likes it. Cass unsettles him in the best ways, keeps him on his toes. Dean wants to learn to read him, wants to understand which cogs are turning in his pretty little, definitely smart head. But texting seemed to have been easier for Castiel to communicate through, as he's still avoiding making eye-contact.

Dean worries his lower lip. "I googled your name," he says, apropos of nothing. Cass rolls his eyes in annoyance. "What? You don't like it? I think your parents got it right. You're an angel."

Castiel snorts with laughter. "I'm sure they would disagree if they knew I was going out with you."

Dean raises an eyebrow. "Homophobes?" Castiel nods. "My father, too."

"And your mother?" Castiel inquires. 

"She died when I was four."

"I'm sorry."

Dean gives him a tight smile. "38 years and I still miss her. Or maybe just the life I would have had if she weren't gone." Castiel nods, all his focus on Dean. "I pretty much raised my little brother Sammy in the Impala. After my mum's death, my father lost his footing. Never really found it again."

"Do you have other siblings?"

Dean sighs. "A half-brother. But we’ve only met once, briefly. And you?"

Castiel chuckles a little embarrassed. "I have six. Two sisters and four brothers."

"Wow! Do they all have fancy angel names like you?"

Cass sighs. "Yes, but Anna, Gabriel, Michael, Hannah, Raphael, and Zachariah were luckier than me."

"At least with so many siblings, your parents can't focus too much on you."

Castiel snorts. "I'm the black sheep of the family. I'm always under the microscope, unless Gabriel pulls one of his stunts."

"You? A black sheep?" Dean asks in surprise. "How is that even possible? You have your own practice, a doctorate, a _homestead_."

"Yes. But I inherited the homestead from my uncle of blessed memory. I am also a vet for _pets_. Very effeminate. I broke off my engagement. No heir in sight. Very unmanly."

"You were engaged?" Dean asks and Castiel looks away swiftly.

He didn’t mean to just blurt it out. He pulls at the label of his cola bottle, studying it as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. "Yes. For sixteen full weeks ... with Kelly."

"When you were teens?" The picture of a religious family marrying their kids off way too early rises in Dean's mind.

"No. When she got pregnant with Jack." Dean looks at him, a questioning eyebrow raised. "I thought it was the right thing to do then. She was pregnant, with no father in sight. I always wanted kids ... so I thought everyone would win." Castiel shrugs. "She wouldn't have to raise the baby alone and I could get my parents off my case."

"But you didn't go through with it."

A mix of pain and shame washes over Castiel's face. "No. I knew that I wouldn't make her happy in the long run, and she wouldn't be enough for me either."

Dean nods in understanding. "We seem to tackle the heavy topics right away," he chuckles and nods his thanks to the waitress who brings their food. She gives him a seductive wink and Dean returns it by force of habit.

Castiel watches him intensely. Maybe that's what it's like, to be with an attractive man. Why would Dean limit his choices for a boring person like him, if he could pluck every flower on the roadside?

"I'm sorry. You’ve surely had plenty of better dates," Cass says picking at his food.

Dean frowns at his even stranger behaviour, sensing that something has just shifted. He reaches out for his hand. "Hey. It's not bad to talk about these things. Much better to have it all out in the open right from the start. Everyone brings their baggage into a new relationship. Exes, personal history. That's what makes you the person you are."

He squeezes Castiel's hand softly and Cass weaves their fingers together tentatively, not sure if he is allowed to, yet. But Dean beams at him and brushes his thumb over the calloused skin.

"Then I think you should know something about me," Castiel whispers as if he were afraid that the people on the neighbouring table would hear him. Dean squeezes his hand in encouragement.

Castiel swallows and fixes his gaze on Dean's thumb that is still caressing him softly, sending goosebumps over his arm. "I've never been with a man and I have no experience with relationships whatsoever."

The thumb stops moving and Dean's hand stiffens slightly. Castiel swallows, trying hard to keep himself from crying. So, that's it. This is when Dean realises that he's not worth the trouble.

"I understand if that's a red flag," Cass says with a shaking voice and moves to pull his hand away. But Dean keeps it and holds on tight.

"It isn't," Dean whispers. "I'm just surprised, is all."

Castiel lifts his gaze and Dean smiles at him, the caress on his hand returning. "We should talk about boundaries and stuff in a more private setting. But it's not a deal-breaker, okay?"

Cass gives him a lopsided smile. "You surely have enough experience for the two of us," he says and Dean feels heat making its way from his chest to the tip of his ears.

"One might say so," he chuckles in embarrassment. "Not so much in the relationship department, but ..."

"Oh, ..."

Dean swallows hard. It's not that he's ashamed of his life choices. But he realises what it might look like, through the eyes of someone like Castiel. Has he even kissed someone before? Or was that already beyond the boundaries his pious family had drawn? Is he a virgin?

Dean tries to pull his head out of the gutter. No matter what, they will talk about it and they will make it enjoyable for both of them. It's not as if there weren't a few hang-ups on his part on the horizon. 

Dean purses his lips and takes a deep breath. "Listen, Cass. When I'm single, I enjoy it to the fullest. I won't deny it. I’ve had plenty of sex with different people in my life. But when I’m in a relationship, I'm 100 per cent monogamous. Fidelity is important to me. And if it helps, I've never had a long-term relationship with a man either."

"So ... with men, it's usually just sex for you?" Castiel asks tentatively.

"And friendship. But with you ... it's already more than that. And I haven't even kissed you," Dean laughs.

Castiel smiles wide and decides to be brave. He says, a little cheeky, "I hope that changes tonight."


	15. Chapter 15

Castiel walks Dean home. It's a heady feeling, and one that Dean has never really had before.

Maybe he shouldn't do this, but he compares it to the only typical first dates that he ever had. Lisa was a one-night stand first, but then their paths crossed again and he asked her out. Dinner, movie, bed. If you’d already had sex with each other, it was a no-brainer.

With Cassie, it was slower, but not by much. They went all the way on their third date. Classy and natural.

But Dean can't even imagine _that_ with Cass. The thought of waiting is strange after so many years of hookups. But Castiel's hand in his is already more exciting than some nights have been, with strangers in the past. The thought of kissing Castiel goodbye fills him with giddy anticipation.

They talk and they laugh, and Castiel relaxes next to him, returns to the man he met at his homestead, reserved yet confident in his own way.

After a few minutes, they reach the entrance to Dean's apartment building. Castiel gives him a nervous smile, tugs on his hand, and leads him away from the pavement closer to the building.

He leans his shoulders against it, the fabric of his trenchcoat scraping over the brick wall. He tilts his head to the side and squints to see Dean against the low spring sun, the beams surrounding Dean's face like a blinding halo.

Dean cups Castiel's cheek and brushes his thumb over his scruff. Cass closes his eyes, relishing the unfamiliar touch. It takes Dean's breath away. He truly looks like an angel, like one of those Cupid statues in a history book. Soft like he’s sleeping.

"Can I kiss you?" he whispers, waiting for Cass to open his eyes. But he doesn't. He just nods silently. Dean steps closer, his other hand finding a hold on Castiel's hip. He nudges his nose against Castiel's, so as to not startle the angelic-looking man in front of him, and then kisses him. It's merely a brush of lips. But still, butterflies storm through his stomach when Cass kisses back. Soft and sweet like honey. It feels like coming home, so right that it's overwhelming. 

Dean pulls back for a moment, soaking in Castiel's relaxed features and the blue that floods him when he opens his eyes. He brushes his hand through Castiel's hair, as he had wanted to from the moment they had met, and pulls him into another kiss, deeper but just as sweet as the first.

Dean feels Castiel's smile growing against his lips until kissing isn't possible anymore. Their chuckles fill the little space between them and they lean their foreheads together, breathing each other in.

"This is not a way to get into your pants, I promise. But do you wanna go upstairs for a nightcap?" Dean asks.

"I don't drink alcohol, but I'd take any beverage you have to offer," Castiel grins.

"Awesome," Dean says and pulls Cass into a short kiss, just because he can.

Up in his apartment, they settle on the couch, the bottles of root beer painting wet circles on the coffee table.

"It's very homey here," Castiel says. "Totally different than mine, but I like it."

Dean smiles happily. "I'm glad you think so." He cards a hand through his own hair. "Do you want to kiss some more or talk?"

Castiel runs his fingers over Dean's knee. "I think it would be good to have the boundaries discussed first," he says, squinting a little, assessing Dean's reaction.

Dean nods. "Right." He looks expectantly at Cass.

"I ... I think you will have to be a little patient with me," he says. "Accepting myself is still a work in progress."

"That's okay, Cass. There is no rush to do anything," he reassures. "I just need you to tell me if I'm too ... enthusiastic."

Castiel chuckles. "I will."

Dean brushes his thumb over his cheek. "We do this at your pace, okay? Whenever you're ready, I am too."

"And what if ...?"

Dean frowns. "If what?"

Castiel tries to swallow the rising fear in his throat. "What if it takes too long?"

Dean brushes his thumb slowly over Castiel's lower lip. He pulls him into a long, languid kiss, his tongue coaxing until Cass opens his mouth, letting him in. He deepens the kiss until he can catch the soft moans that fall from the other man's lips with his own.

He pulls back. Castiel looks as wrecked as Dean feels. "As long as I can kiss you, I can wait," he promises laughing. 

Castiel runs his fingers over the cut of Dean's jaw and weaves them into his hair. "You are _so_ beautiful," he whispers. 

Dean blushes and a shiver runs down his spine. Why are the words affecting him so much?

He shakes his head in denial. Benny is the only one who has ever called him that. And he had seen _all_ of him.

Castiel's voice pulls Dean out of his own head again. "Your smile is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It makes me want to do stupid things."

"Yeah?" Dean grins mischievously, "Like what?" Dean sees surprise on Cass' face, but it morphs into resolve. The look suits the man.

Castiel pushes his knee next to Dean's thigh and before his brain can process the movement, Dean has a lap full of veterinarian. Not that he is complaining. Neither about Castiel's hands in his hair nor his lips anchoring on his own. Dean's hands find his hips. This is so much more than he expected from tonight. 

He promises himself to keep it innocent, but the man on his lap seems to have other ideas. Castiel kisses like a starved man, and maybe he is. Years of suppressed feelings, wants, and needs are set free and he can't get enough of it, enough of _Dean_.

Castiel presses closer, pure enthusiasm cancelling out poor technique. Dean is flooded by sensations. He feels dizzy and arousal curls unmistakably in the pit of his stomach. He needs to stop this if he doesn't want to shock the virginal man, who seems to have forgotten his own earlier words.

"Cass," Dean speaks into the kiss, "maybe we should slow down a little."

Castiel pulls back, lips puffy, skin red from the friction of their scruffs, eyes glassy, his hair sticking in every direction from the hands that Dean couldn’t keep away from it. He looks thoroughly debauched and incredibly hot.

He bites his bottom lip and Dean needs to close his eyes for a moment to centre himself.

"I'm sorry," he hears Cass say, and before his brain can make sense of the words, the other man has already crawled out of his lap. "I should go."

This bolts Dean off the sofa. "That's not what I meant," he hurries to say.

"No, Dean. I really should. It's late and ..." Castiel looks a little lost.

Dean takes his hand. "Whatever you're feeling, it is okay, Cass." He brushes his thumb over Castiel's cheek and presses a chaste kiss to his lips. Castiel still turns to leave. "Let me at least escort you to your car," Dean all but pleads. He can't let him go like this. Who knows if he will ever return.

"No," Cass says firmly, a tiny smile back on his face. "It's okay. I'll text you when I'm home."

Dean nods and walks him to the door. Their goodbye kiss is short and sweet.

Dean leans his head against the cool wood of the closed front door. He chuckles. Cass had been wrong. _He_ will be the death of _Dean_ , not the other way around.


	16. Chapter 16

Castiel lets the keys drop into the bowl by the entrance. He slips off his boots and tiptoes to his room. It's when he has managed to open the door to his bedroom without a creak that he more feels than hears the presence of his housemate. 

"Did you think you could escape me so easily, Clarence?" she asks, amusement clearly in her voice. "You should know me better."

He rolls his eyes before turning around. "One can hope," he says.

"I want all the spicy details. Come on. Let's talk over pie," she says.

Castiel contemplates rejecting the love for pie that three of his favourite people share, but then he resigns to his fate. He follows her to the kitchen and sinks on a chair, watching her silently while she serves the cherry pie left over from Jack's last visit.

"Do I have to worm everything out of you?" she asks.

"There's not a lot to say. We had dinner, I walked him home, we kissed. He has a nice apartment," he replies and shrugs, pulling the plate closer to himself even though he's still full from the apple pie that he shared with Dean for dessert.

"That's great! But how do you feel?" Her countenance is still mischievous but a shadow of concern wavers around the edges.

"I'm fine," he says and loads his fork with so much pie and cream that it should occupy his mouth for a while.

"Fine," she says flatly and sighs. "Why are your eyes so sad then?"

_Damn friends who can read him like an open book!_

"I was in a relationship for mere hours and I already crossed the boundaries I set for myself."

Meg tilts her head to the side and crosses her arms over her chest. "What kind of boundaries?"

Castiel uses his fork to push a cherry around on his plate. "I wanted more."

"More than what?"

"More than just kissing him."

Meg smiles softly. "That's not a bad thing," she points out.

"Yes, it is! If he hadn't stopped me ..."

"What terrible thing would have happened then? Sex?"

Castiel shrugs again. "I don't know. Maybe."

"Castiel, that's normal. You're in your prime, you find him attractive. That's nothing to be ashamed of."

"It's not what God intended for us."

Meg rolls her eyes so hard that it surprises Castiel that they find their way back to a normal position. "I thought you were past the homophobic teachings of your church."

"I am. But that doesn't mean that I do not still believe that God wanted sex to be something holy."

Meg makes a face at that. "Sex isn't holy. It's desire and fun. You're reading too much in your bible."

" _'My'_ bible contains beautiful poetry about romantic and physical love. Don't piss on it, just because you don't believe in a deity."

Meg leans back and rolls her eyes _again_. It makes her look like a teenager whatever-ing their parent. "Is this Dean a frankincenser too?"

Castiel ignores her gird. He knows she doesn't mean it. Religion is a sensitive topic for her, so they usually avoid it. "I think he's agnostic, but not a member of any church. And I guess we don't share the same thoughts on this topic."

"You didn't ask him?" Meg asks flabbergasted.

"On our first date? I'm not that stupid. He knows that I won't jump into bed with him right away. The rest? I first have to work out where my boundaries really lie. Maybe find a priest of another denomination who doesn't shunt me for being in a gay relationship."

"That sounds like a plan," Meg says, her voice softer now. She pulls Castiel's pie over as he isn't eating it anyway. "How was the kiss?" she asks, smirking.

He smiles shyly, heat rising into his cheeks. "The best kiss I ever had. Dean's a good kisser."

Meg nudges him with her foot. "I'm happy for you, Clarence. About time you got yourself a man."

***

[Charlie:] Aaaaaand?

[Dean:] No reports, Your Highness.

[Charlie:] Come on! Spill, handmaiden! It's an order from your queen.

[Dean:] 🙄

[Charlie:] I bet he's a good kisser.

[Dean:] Made my knees turn to jelly. 🐙

[Charlie:] I knew it!

[Dean:] Has a lot of baggage and many hang-ups, though. 

[Charlie:] Just like you ...

[Dean:] True.

[Charlie:] Anything specific you wanna talk about?

[Dean:] I think he’s very religious.

[Charlie:] Okay.  
[Charlie:] Doesn't have to be a bad thing.

[Dean:] No. But his internalized homophobia reaches to the heavens.

[Charlie:] And yet, he went out with you ...

[Dean:] Yeah.  
[Dean:] I just thought at my age I wouldn't have to deal with this shit any longer.  
[Dean:] He's worth it though.

[Charlie:] Awwwww. Dean's in love.

[Dean:] ...

[Charlie:] OMG. You mean it!?!?

[Dean:] He's perfect. I can't help it. I feel like a teenager again.

[Charlie:] Suits your usual behavior. 😜

[Dean:] Fuck you!

[Charlie:] Will tell Stevie that you ordered her to.

[Dean:] 🖕

[Charlie:] Very mature.

[Dean:] That's how I roll.

[Charlie:] Wanna bring him tomorrow?

[Dean:] I'm not sure if he'd enjoy LARPing.

[Charlie:] Ask him!

[Dean:] So that you can embarrass me?

[Charlie:] I would never do that to you, my dearest handmaiden.

[Dean:] A likely story!

[Charlie:] He could be a knight.  
[Charlie:] Unlike you, he can ride a horse.  
[Charlie:] Without falling down ...

[Dean:] I repeat my earlier suggestion.

[Charlie:] You really care about my sexual satisfaction. That's so kind of you. 💕

[Dean:] Kiddo! Stop it! You're like my little sister.

[Charlie:] And you're not my type.

[Dean:] Yeah, yeah.  
[Dean:] I'll ask him.  
[Dean:] I will regret it, won't I?

[Charlie:] I have no idea what you're talking about.

[Dean:] Will Benny be there?

[Charlie:] Sure.

[Dean:] I’ll have to talk with him before then.

[Charlie:] So it *is* serious?

[Dean:] ☠

[Charlie:] I never thought I'd see the day.

[Dean:] Get off your high horse, queeny. Not everyone is lucky enough to meet the love of their life in their 20s.

[Charlie:] No. But I hope he is yours.  
[Charlie:] Not only because we need someone for double dates. 👭👬

[Dean:] Nope!

[Charlie:] That's what couples do, my friend.

[Dean:] Straight couples maybe.

[Charlie:] You're obviously far behind in your gay agenda. I only say this one word: brunch.

[Dean:] Brunch is on the gay agenda?

[Charlie:] You bet.

[Dean:] Then I bow to the rules of the community.

[Charlie:] You better.  
[Charlie:] I'm happy for you.  
[Charlie:] Don't fuck it up!

[Dean:] I'll do my best.

[Charlie:] Good.  
[Charlie:] You deserve a good man on your side.


	17. Chapter 17

"Costumes?" Castiel frowns at Dean.

"It's fun. Trust me," Dean says and smirks at him. "Look, this is mine." He pulls his coat of chainmail out of his wardrobe. Castiel eyes it with interest but still looks indecisive.

"But your friends are all there. I don't want to impose."

"They all want to meet you anyway. Better get this over with. Look at it this way: they're gonna be pretty busy, so they won't hover over you all the time or grill you. And ... you can see me sword fighting," Dean says, wiggling his eyebrow. Lisa always found watching him get all armoured up hot.

"I don't know," Castiel says. He still looks at Dean frowning and fidgets with the hem of his plaid shirt. How is he supposed to tell his _boyfriend_ of not even 24 hours that he doesn't know what he hates the most about this idea - the meeting with the friends, the costumes, or the crowd of people?

"Charlie said you could be a stable lad."

Castiel's face lights up a little. "There will be horses?"

Dean sighs. "No, that would be too dangerous."

"Why would I be a stable lad then?"

"Why would Charlie be a queen? It's a _game_ , Cass." Dean's boyfriend really doesn't get it.

"I don't want to embarrass you ... or myself. I'm really not good at those kinds of things. I'm sorry, Dean."

The other man nods. "Okay. It was just an idea. I'll tell Charlie that I'm cancelling," he says, and pulls his phone out of his pocket. 

"No, Dean," Cas says, catching his forearm to stop him, "you planned this for so long. We can meet on Monday. I'll just leave you for now. I don't want you to miss more than you already have." He gives Dean a chaste kiss and turns to leave.

Dean grabs his hand. "Don't go," he pleads, not even caring one bit how needy he may sound.

 _Relationships need compromise and effort_ , Castiel hears his mother's voice echoing in his head. She said it when she tried to convince him that being gay didn't need to hold him back from marrying a woman, but still.

He takes a deep breath. How bad could it be? "Okay. Where do I get a costume from?"

Dean beams at him, putting the sun to shame, and dives into a kiss. That alone is worth spending a weekend doing everything Castiel basically hates. Maybe he's 'whipped', as Meg called it. He'll survive this. Somehow.

***

Dean holds the entrance of the tent open. A myriad of costume pieces is sorted in a system Castiel can't decipher.

A burly man seemed to be the king of the tent, or something like that. Since they'd arrived, Dean has been throwing words around that don't hold any meaning for Castiel, so he might be way off.

Dean introduces him to this Benny guy and the man welcomes him like an old friend. The words they use make Castiel think that he and Dean are close, even though Dean didn't mention him last night. And Dean mentioned a _lot_ of people.

"So, let's clothe your beau," Benny says, and it takes Castiel an embarrassingly long moment to register that he is actually talking about him.

"Something simple," Dean says.

"Wanna let him work his way up?" Benny asks, amused.

"It's his first time," Dean explains. 

Benny chuckles. "A virgin?" He pats Dean on his back. Castiel looks away. There is no way Benjamin can know. Castiel is blushing nonetheless.

***

Castiel doesn't think that his cheeks will ever recover from the day. First, there is the embarrassment because Dean needs to help him into the unfamiliar clothing. Although that word isn't quite right. It's more that he can't hide his arousal when Dean is so close and touching him nearly _everywhere_. He's an adult, damn it! Such simple touches shouldn't set his skin aflame.

Benny is kind enough to turn away when Dean presses Cass against the wooden boxes in the back and kisses him senseless. Castiel is too weak to protest, even though his cheeks burn crimson.

Then there is the meeting of the parents, or whatever counts as that in the House of Winchester. Ellen is rough, but cordial. Bobby mumbles something into his beard that Castiel doesn't really understand. Dean laughs at it though, so he smiles, hoping that it's the right thing to do.

Sam and Eileen are the next stop and the first thing Dean does is sign, _Be kind to him. He's nervous._

Castiel wants to tell them that he has a Deaf brother. But he doesn't actually get a chance to do it as Eileen signs, _He's cute,_ before introducing herself verbally.

"And this is my little brother Sammy," Dean says with a wide grin, already expecting his brother's eye-roll that comes like clockwork.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, _Samuel_ ," Castiel says and Sam snorts as Dean looks at his boyfriend in disfavour. 

"You'll fit right in," Sam says, shaking his hand.

 _Traitor_ , Dean signs.

 _Don't be impolite_ , Castiel signs and grins at the baffled looks directed at him.

At least for once, it's Dean's turn to blush.

Eileen pats Cass on the shoulder. "Welcome to this crazy family," she says, chuckling. Castiel likes her immediately.

***

After that, Castiel decides to approach the whole LARPing thing like he did the behavioural studies for his doctorate. And from that perspective, he can nearly enjoy it.

Looking at Dean alone is a delight. He is relaxed, funny, so obviously in his element. He bickers with Charlie, who is so sweet to Cass that she wins his favour in a heartbeat.

They all invite him in as if it were the most normal thing to do. No probationary period, no suspicion. He feels more welcome than he ever felt with his own starchy family. Something eases in Castiel. Maybe it wasn't so bad to accompany his boyfriend after all.

***

He watches Dean build a doss for the night. It's a simple tent-like construction, and Dean seems to have practice, judging by the ease with which he proceeds.

Castiel just watches him, holding a stack of woollen blankets, and tries to push away the qualms slowly growing in his stomach. Maybe he should go home. But they came in the Impala, and he isn't quite sure how good the bus connectivity is in the area. Probably nonexistent.

Dean puts in the groundsheet and rolls out a futon on top of it. He motions for Castiel to bring him the blankets.

"Wanna have a trial run?" he asks after spreading them out, totally not tongue in cheek.

Cass hesitates for a moment. They haven't even properly cuddled yet and this is semi-public. But he promised himself to be brave with Dean, for Dean, so he takes a deep breath and crawls into the low tent.

"Did you use this with Lisa and Ben?" his mouth asks before his brain can compute what a stupid moment for such a question this is.

"Yeah, sometimes," Dean answers brusquely.

"You can talk about them. It's really not a problem," Castiel adds, trying to fix his faux pas.

Dean gives him a forced smile and cups his cheek with his broad hand. "But I don't wanna. It's our tent now," he says and leans in for a kiss.

 _Our_. Castiel likes the sound of that.


	18. Chapter 18

It's a strange feeling, lying in someone else's arms. Castiel rarely reached this stage with the women he dated. Not that he had been gagging for it. It didn't feel half as good as this did anyway.

Castiel feels safe and cared for, as Dean cards his fingers through his hair, rests them softly at the nape of his neck. How his lips curl up against his, cherishing the touch, so obviously enjoying it, enjoying _him_.

It's intoxicating to have Dean's whole attention, to be so obviously _wanted_. It spreads like lava through Castiel's chest and he wishes it would burn away all that is holding him back.

Lying like this, cuddling Dean, kissing him ... it's the highlight of Castiel's life. He doesn't even care if that's pathetic. It is what it is.

Dean's hands are wandering over his body, but he keeps it decent, respectful of Castiel's boundaries. Yet, he still pulls him back in when Cass tries to roll away to hide his slowly growing erection. "It's okay," Dean whispers into his lips. "Don't worry about it. It's only natural."

That might well be the case, but Castiel doesn't know how to deal with it. Not for the first time he curses his prudish upbringing and the sexual morals with which he was raised - sex belongs into marriage, sex is for procreation only, sex is between a man and a woman.

It's one thing to know that you're gay, it's another to kiss a man, and _totally_ another thing to be aroused by the man in your arms. Cass knows that he should just reject these voices in his head, silence them, and live a self-determined life. If only it were that easy.

Dean doesn't notice his inner turmoil. He breathes Cass in, his scent, still slightly lemony from his morning shower, his warmth so welcome in the fresh spring air, his hard lines and soft curves, the taste of his mouth, the scrape of his scruff.

Everything is wonderfully stupefying and he can't get enough of it. He wants more, but he won't try to persuade him, especially not here where someone might see them. But he dares to bet that Castiel's resolve won't last long if only kissing and cuddling arouses him this much. Dean's looking forward to it, to see him melting even further under his ministrations.

Someone is patting against the flysheet. "Hey, time to fight for your queen," Sam's voice comes from above.

Dean groans and hides his face in Castiel's shoulder, pressing a kiss to his clavicle, now so invitingly exposed. "Five more minutes," he pleads.

"It didn't work when I tried that line on you as a kid, and it's not gonna work now. Get out, you lovebirds. Showtime."

***

Cass didn't know what he had expected. Definitely not that Dean in full armour could be hot and cringe-inducing at the same time. Although the last part is definitely Cass' problem. Objectively, Dean is well respected in this circle. People cheer him on, marvel at his technique. Castiel can't help but be impressed by the man so confidently wielding a fake sword in a fake armour in a fake fight and enjoying it with every fibre of his heart. Cass never lets his playful side out to see the day. Maybe fractionally with his animals, but who is really there to see that?

Dean is so cocksure in his nerdiness, enjoys the moment, celebrates as if he won a real duel. And Castiel can only admire him for that.

He tries to push away the uneasy feeling spreading in his stomach that he might be an impediment for Dean's joy, as uptight as he generally is. Dean deserves better, so much better than him. Someone fun, who joins in instead of being embarrassed on his behalf.

And yet, Dean wants to kiss him after he wins the sword fight. In front of all the people, in front of his family and friends, as if Cass is all he wants. And after a moment of hesitation, Castiel does it, amidst the hooting of strangers. 

But all he sees and feels is Dean, Dean, Dean. It shouldn't already feel that familiar, shouldn't feel like everything he needs to be happy, but it does. It scares the shit out of him, though.

It scares him because the one lesson Cass learnt in the nearly four decades of his life is that happiness always comes at a price. Until now, he paid it with self-chosen loneliness. He paid it with hard work and constant repentance. 

How often has he said the words, _Forgive me father, for I have sinned_? He may have gotten better over time, felt less guilty, stopped confessing every time he masturbated thinking of men.

He gave in to his fantasies, justifying it with his resolve to never act on them. And yes, Kelly's book helped. It washed out the false theology he was taught, made him start to believe that God doesn't hate him for being gay. That God very well _wants_ him to be gay and to have a happy, fulfilled life with a good man at his side. But it couldn't erase the traces years of shame left behind, ingrained in his very soul.

Maybe, Dean can kiss them away, one by one. If he'll be that patient, of course. Because Castiel isn't blind. He sees the women, trying to connect with his boyfriend on a physical or emotional level, sees Dean's uneasy glances at him whenever one tries to pull him around a corner. Maybe that's why Dean is kissing him here in front of everyone; to get the message across.

It's a nice thought. Dean claims his prize and it's Castiel. And he shows the world that his heart is taken.

Something warm curls through Castiel's chest, layers itself softly around his heart at that realisation. Dean isn't out to replace him, to warm his bed with someone else in a way Cass simply can't. 

At least not yet.


	19. Chapter 19

"Where're ya goin', sweetheart?" Dean slurs, voice still raspy from sleep.

"Relieving myself," Castiel replies and crawls out of the tent. It's a white lie, but it buys him time to cool down a little.

His body acts like a teenager's and Dean might not have a problem with that, but Castiel doesn't want to push his luck. And he doesn't want to lead him on, if that's even a thing inside of a relationship. That man is used to quick sex. Castiel believes that he won't push, but he might get the wrong message if his boyfriend's body constantly shows what it (not _he_ , not consciously at least) wants.

"‘m comin' with you," Dean offers, but Cass declines and leaves before Dean can even thoroughly orient himself.

He rolls onto his back, thankful that he brought the futon. No wonder people died so young in the Middle Ages. His back would have killed him, too.

Dean grins from ear to ear. It was the best sleep he'd gotten in weeks. Maybe it was just the unusual physical work of the previous day. Or - more likely - it's because of the angel that he slept snuggled up against all night.

God, he missed this. As cuddlesome as Benny could be while awake, nighttime cuddles weren't included in their arrangement. Dean didn't mind. It was a constant reminder to not fall for the other man.

But Castiel? He can have this with him. The kind of intimacy that only couples share. Forehead and nose kisses, whispered words into ruffled hair, a hand slid under the back of a shirt just to feel a little skin while dozing off.

He had looked forward to waking up still in that position, but if nature called ...

Just a week ago, he wouldn't have thought this was possible. And now he has a real _boyfriend_. One who he can build a strong relationship with. He wants to. 

He's not fooling himself. He knows why he and Lisa couldn't make it work long-term. Their relationship was built on sex and his love for Ben. The rest was a facade. Their friendship only grew when sex was off the table. 

But maybe this time, it will work out. They can get to know each other without sex overshadowing everything, covering up what should be addressed right from the start.

It's not that Dean doesn't want Castiel. The vet is sexy, even if he doesn't seem to know it. But Dean had told him the truth back on their first date. He may not fully understand it himself, but this is already so much more than physical attraction. He wants to make Castiel smile more, wants to know his fears and dreams, wants to share his own.

That's what makes him want to do stupid things. He has never let someone meet his friends this quickly, much less Ellen and Bobby. He saw their wide eyes when he introduced Cass as his boyfriend. Pride swelled in his chest. A smart, hardworking, handsome man like Cass could have anyone, but he chose Dean. Not just that, but as someone worth stepping out of the closet for.

And through the bits and bobs that Cass shared until now, it's clear that this is a serious thing for him, too. It's not just a test. He's risking his business over this, maybe even losing his family, his religion. Things he based his life on for so long. And he accepts the potential fall from grace because he wants to be with Dean. Some might see this as too much of a liability, a deed of trust too high for a merely blooming new relationship. 

But Dean doesn't care. He doesn't care about many things that seemed so important and non-negotiable in the past.

He laughs at himself and brushes his hand over his eyes. Who would have thought that it would take only one look into insanely blue eyes to turn a stud-muffin like Dean into a tame gelding?

Okay, maybe the picture painted isn't exactly accurate in absolute terms, but Dean wouldn't be surprised if Castiel insisted on getting married before they got to know each other in the biblical sense. And to his own surprise, the idea doesn't deter him, no matter what his stupid dick is telling him.

There is ruffling by his feet and Castiel slips back into the tent.

"Heya, sweetheart," Dean says and beams at him.

"You're calling an awful lot of people that," Castiel says matter-of-factly. It's one of those things Dean likes about him. He may be painfully blunt, but at least he doesn't mince his words. It's refreshing.

"You're right about that. But I can think of other names for you."

"What's wrong with _my_ name?"

"Nothing," Dean chuckles, "but I wanna call you something that no one else uses. Something just between us, an endearment." He pulls Castiel back down into his arms and kisses him.

"Like what?" Cass speaks into his lips and pulls back. He tilts his head to the side and squints at Dean. 

"Oh, I don't know," he chuckles. "What about _sunshine_?" Castiel scowls at him. "Or not," Dean laughs. "Mmh," he brushes his hand through Castiel's adorable bed hair, " _Angel_?"

"I don't know, Dean. I'm far from an angel."

"Lucifer was an angel, too, right?" Dean jokes.

Sadness sinks into Castiel’s features. "Then I will be another fallen angel soon enough, Dean. So, you might as well call me satan. In the bible, many people change their names when the old one doesn't suit them anymore. I might call myself Mara, like Naomi did. _Bitter._ Although that's a female name." He shrugs.

"Hey, Cass. Don't talk like that. You deserve to be happy. And if other people can't see that, then kick 'em out of your life. They don't deserve you."

"Did you do that with your father?"

"That ... that's more complicated."

"How? He is your father. He doesn't accept your ...," Castiel honestly rolls back to have both hands free for air quotes, "... 'lifestyle choices' and you cut him out of your life."

"Yeah. But not before letting him walk all over me for years. I came here after he ... he got drunk and he ... he hurt Sammy, to warn him not to become a f... like me. That's when I knew it was time to leave. When he fell asleep, we packed our stuff, took the Impala, and never looked back. I don't even know if he's still alive."

Castiel cups Dean's cheek with his hand, but he flinches away. "Hey. It's me. You were so brave. He has no power over you anymore."

"No," Dean says and clears his throat. "But your family doesn't need to have power over you either, Cass. Life's too short for this crap."

"You may be right. But I can't take my siblings with me as you did. Some of them might even agree with my parents. I could be all alone."

Dean shakes his head. "Bobby taught me one of the most important life lessons. 'Family don't end in blood', he said. That's why Sammy and I ended up here. He took us in. And you are not alone. You have Kelly and Jack, and your housemate ..."

"Meg."

"Yes, Meg. Cass, this might be the weirdest place and time to discuss something like this. But ... you've got me, too. And my family if you let them in. Just think about it. That's all I'm asking for, because I see how you're struggling. But there is so much more to life on the other side. I promise. I've been there myself."

Castiel nods. "Do you think now we can start the phase where we put on rose-coloured glasses or is this the way you always court someone?"

"Court? Mmh, I think I need to ask the queen if she allows my courtship, first."

Castiel groans, but chuckles nonetheless. "You're insufferable."

"That's why you like me."

 _Yes, that's why I love you_ , Cass thinks and kisses him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. 💚 Let me know what you think. 💙


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